The Evolution of Ben
by Imogen74
Summary: Post "The Last Jedi," so...spoilers. What happens when the mind connection between Rey and Ben appears to be more than what Snoke had intended? Reylo.
1. Chapter 1

He clenched his fist.

He had been doing that quite a lot.

Ben Solo stood, understanding what had just happened…he had lost his chance of snuffing out the Resistance permanently.

He had lost his chance of killing, once and for all, Luke Skywalker.

He had become the Supreme Leader, but he wondered now…

What was he ruling?

He turned, leaving the cavern, and going back to the ship that had taken him to this blood icy planet.

He hated that this happened…that he had been fooled by Skywalker.

Again.

"Don't speak. Take me back," he snarled, boarding the fighter.

Fooled…

He was a fool.

And he was most fooled by anyone ever caring. No one did.

It was better this way.

He almost believed that.

The Dreadnought was gone…his fleet depleted. And he was referring to himself as Ben in his private thoughts.

Just like she did…

* * *

It had been wonderful, seeing Finn. She was looking out into the darkness, thinking that though there had to be some path to success, she was damned if she could see it.

Rey swallowed. It was unlikely that the Resistance would be able to mount any formidable army if no one answered a distress call. The fact that they were utterly alone in all of this was disconcerting.

And her thoughts drifted to the last time something like this crossed her mind. She had told Ben that he wasn't alone.

She held herself. She wanted a family…that was what, if she was honest, she wanted more than anything.

And how right he had been, though she was loathe to admit it.

She was looking for their replacement, and she was looking once more in Leia, for her mother.

A solitary tear fell down her cheek, and she resented it, for she had cried so much lately.

Rey turned away, desperate for solitude.

She was beginning to understand that most of what she had learned from Han…Luke…was that there was so much grey in the galaxy, that almost nothing was as it seemed.

And that, she thought, was both comforting, and insufferable.

* * *

No ships.

No friendly planets.

Nothing.

Nothing but a fleet and some withered soldiers.

A muted fleet at that.

Ben was sitting with his head in his hands, fresh from the retreat of the blood stained planet. He was attempting to weigh his options.

Overtake a small planet.

Inhabit a deserted one.

…for he would need to figure out something.

He felt like a failure; the same way he had felt before. Before his parents sent him away to be trained, for why else would they not want him around?

He hadn't been excited the way the other trainees had been. He had been sad to leave his home. His mother had loved him, he felt that.

His father…

A scowl crept along his face.

Han Solo hadn't been around enough to even know him, let alone love him.

And if Ben knew anything, it was that love was not indiscriminately bestowed. It was earned.

Except with Leia. She loved him.

And he had spared her. He couldn't do it…and he didn't feel weak the way he thought he might've…he felt good about that.

Something he hadn't felt in some time.

And something he had felt on more than one occasion as of late.

Ben closed his eyes, and thought of hers as she closed the hatch.

There was no hatred there. No contempt. No …

She held a quiet resolve and a soft understanding.

He opened his eyes, and knew that they would be meeting again, though he was unsure when, the future was closed to him.

* * *

Rey laid on her back in the ship's bunks. She was on the top bunk, staring at the ceiling of it. Neither the First Order nor the Resistance were in any shape to fight right now.

Though the Resistance was decidedly worse off…they had a dozen people on a ship heading to the outer rim.

Hardly much of a Resistance.

Rey thought about what they could possibly do to stave off the First Order, and if anyone really cared.

She closed her eyes…

The salt air brushed her cheek softly. She was high atop a precipice, looking out into circumbinary sky…the suns appearing to almost touch one another in the distance.

"I'm sorry," she said aloud.

"What for?"

Rey turned to see Luke there, smiling at her. "For your sacrifice. I hope it wasn't in vain."

"Don't make it so, then," and he walked toward her.

"How?"

"I think that you know."

She began to shake her head…"I don't. I'm nobody…Ben even said so…"

"I didn't say that."

She whirled around to see him there, looking at her. "You did. And I agreed with you."

"Then you weren't listening. I said, you were nobody to everyone but me."

"You were trying to get me to join you."

"And why would I do that, hm?" he advanced.

"To use me," she spat.

"And?" he stopped about a foot in front of her.

"And…" her visage betrayed confusion.

"Oh, you are naive…." he said unkindly.

"What…?"

…and he disappeared.

She was alone, and Ahch-to's sky was dark.

"Luke!" she cried. "Ben?" she said softly…looking all around her.

…and her eyes opened.

Rey was awake in the quiet ship…she swallowed, and swung her legs over and climbed down. She made her way to the ship's center and looked out of the window.

There were light years between them.

…and he was still there, in her mind.

She wondered if he'd stay there.

And if she wanted him to leave.


	2. Chapter 2

"We are going back," he sounded more sure than he felt.

"Back, sir?" the pilot turned to look at him.

"To Crait. Turn the ship around and alert the others," Ben left him there and walked back to the command center.

It made sense, in a very dismal, ironic way. Crait was deeply remote. No one would think to look there for them. There were mines…other things in which to build up the First Order once more. Supplies and such.

They could begin to sell things to barter food for. Send out convoys.

Yes. That was the thing that made the most sense.

Though there was little in terms of indigenous people to sway…

Ben dismissed it, sitting down. He had people. If he needed more, he could send for some, one way or another.

He leaned back in his seat.

Nothing…nothing had gone to plan.

He had wanted the Snoke, someone whom he had admired, to understand him better. To not underestimate him, as so many had.

What idiocy!

Snoke, an ancient, withered being…one who was deep in the Force, yes, but who held the most rudimentary understandings of it…

…not like he did.

"We are preparing for landing, sir."

"Very good," he stood, and looked out. There was the planet…the former Resistance base…he would use it to better ends.

And he smiled.

* * *

"Where are we?" Rey entered the cockpit.

"Voss," replied Poe, landing the ship.

"Voss…?" she repeated, looking out.

It was a brownish place, with trees peppered along a far-away rise.

"Voss," and he shut down the ship.

"Why are we here?" her brow furrowed. She wasn't sure what she thought about Voss.

"It has a history of being sympathetic to resisting oppression," said Leia, gathering things for disembarking. "And it's friendly…fairly picturesque," she smiled.

"Picturesque?" Rey repeated. She rather thought this was beside the point, following Leia out of the ship. "But…are the people friendly? Are they sympathetic?"

"To…?"

"The Resistance! To …us!"

"My dear, of course. Why would I bring you here if there weren't sympathetic minds?" Leia smiled.

Rey began to follow the couple dozen fighters, and looked back at the ship. She wondered if Finn and Rose were still on.

"He's with her still," Poe nudged her. "You should go back and see if he needs help…" he winked.

Rey looked at him oddly, but turned and went back to the ship. "Finn!" she called.

"Rey?" she heard him call.

…and she followed the voice.

They were there, and Finn was helping Rose sit up. "Can you help me, Rey?"

She went to them, holding Rose's arm as she brought her to standing, only to have her fall again. "She's still very weak."

"Yeah…" Finn looked at her, with a concerned affect.

"You care about her…"

Finn's eyes shot to hers. "Well…you know…"

"It's great, Finn. It's great to see you so …involved."

"I'm not involved. I'm hardly…I don't even know her," he dropped Rose's arm.

Rey smiled broadly. "You don't need to pretend."

"I'm not pretending. I'm just…" Finn's gaze fell.

"It's all right, Finn," Rey knelt before him and took his hand. "I understand. Besides, we're friends. You don't need to explain anything."

"No? Friends don't need to explain anything?" and Finn sat back with Rose, still barely awake from the pain of her wounds.

"What are you talking about?" Rey sat on the floor of the ship.

"What happened to you?"

She smiled, confused by what he meant. "I don't…"

"You found Luke Skywalker."

And her eyes fell. She nodded. "I did."

"And…?" he sounded excited.

"You saw him."

"That's not what I mean, and you know it."

She sighed, then stood. "He…he was a strange person."

"Thanks. He's some super-galactic Jedi warrior. I thought he'd be completely common."

"It's much more complicated than that…"

"Well, it always is."

Rey began to pace a bit. She knew that Finn wanted some answers, answers that she wasn't sure she was prepared to give. "What is it that you really want to know?"

"I wanna know what happened, Rey! You were gone so long!" he stood up now. "I was so worried…and I had all kinds of things going through my head! I didn't know…" he gesticulated wildly. "Anything!"

"I found him," she began very softly. "On Ahch-to, just like the map said," she smiled slightly. "And it was a tiny island, just in its northern hemisphere. It was cold, rainy…and it held the Jedi texts, tree…the Dark Side holds things there, too. A hole…a pool…it seeps through the base of the island…" she wore a faraway look … And a smile ghosted her face.

"Rey…" Finn took a step toward her. "You talk about it as though…"

"As though what? That I might go to the Dark Side?" she stepped back, away from him.

"No…but…" he appeared to be panic stricken.

"What?" she spat.

"You're talking like you've grown…sympathetic."

This stopped her. Mostly because she thought that he was accusing her of something more sinister. "No…no. Not exactly."

"Not exactly? What about, 'No'?"

"Finn…what I learned…" and she thought of the vision she had seen through Ben's mind. It had been mostly true. "Is that life is grey. The Force is grey. And that everyone who think it's not doesn't understand it."

"What's grey about Keylo Ren?"

She swallowed. Hearing his name spoken like that was unsettling. "Lots. Things that happened to him, if they'd happened to anyone else…I just wonder if they'd turn out similarly…"

"What happened to him that could have possibly made you feel bad for him?"

"I didn't say that I felt bad."

"No? You could have fooled me."

Her indignation rose. "You asked me, Finn. You don't need to be…"

"What? I'm here, waiting for you…fighting the Darkness…and you! You're off joining it!" he was enraged and incensed.

"I would never…" she was shocked, and her tone betrayed it.

"Never what? I was terrified for you! And what were you doing? Thinking about joining Keylo Ren!"

"No!" she advanced upon him. "I wasn't joining him. Ben asked me, and I said no."

"Ben?" Finn repeated, nonplussed.

* * *

…he heard her.

Ben was in the cavern. There had been something in terms of movement, and the First Order was slowly rebuilding.

Granted, it was slow moving, but at least they weren't stagnant. There was something of a morale boost…the men were not so hopeless.

He wasn't so sure as he had been, but no matter.

There was no one to disappoint.

…except, perhaps, himself.

But then, out of nowhere, he heard her say his name.

Clear as anything…his name.

Ben looked around, confused, thinking that he had perhaps imagined it.

Yet it did not seem as though he had…he was certain he had heard her. Her voice was burned on his brain.

And this, this was unsettling…for he surety that he knew her voice was in itself, foreboding. She was held fast to the Resistance. She would not yield. She would not bend.

He saw that resolve in her.

But he also saw the pull of the Dark there. He saw that enticement.

And it drew him in.

Ben was fooling himself if he didn't admit a pull. He had attempted to resist, but it was there. And in that room…

…he closed his eyes…

They had moved in tandem with common purpose. It was as though they were speaking without uttering a word.

And he thought that that was all that needed to happen in order to convince her. He was positive that if they joined forces, they'd be unstoppable.

And he opened his eyes.

Perhaps he was just too foolish to make a difference to her.

…much like everyone in his life whom he had bothered to care for.

Ben stood, looking around a moment.

The men had begun to repair the cavern the Resistance had holed away in. The machinery was not too far gone.

It wouldn't be long before they would be functioning…a few moons, at most.

And Ben thought of the three moons of Crait, and wondered if they had risen yet. He walked outside, improperly clothed. It was dead cold.

There, not far from the entrance, was where Skywalker had stood. Where Ben had fought him.

Or, rather, his image.

He cringed, and wrapped his arms around himself. His breath misted from his mouth. He kicked at the ground, creating a carmine whirlwind of sandy snow.

What was he doing?

He looked up at the crisp, dark, sky, peppered with pixels of light. He felt so alone.

And alone was not what he had always envisioned. It was not empowering, nor was it comforting. It was only lonesome, and he had had enough loneliness to last many lives.

"Mother…" he whispered. "I am sorry that you died. Though it was not by my hand, I feel responsible. And it was never my intention…not really…not you," his head fell again. "She would have made you proud, you know. She…though you hardly knew her…would probably have won your heart in a way I never could…" and he looked up once more before going back into the mountain…

…and he saw the two moons peaking through the tall canopy of trees…

* * *

Rey was admiring them.

They were the largest trees she had ever seen.

She heard Finn behind her, struggling with Rose. She ought to help him, but she was angry, and needed to think.

There was not nothing to what Finn said. There was a pull she had felt on Ahch-to. There was a something …there.

And it wasn't pure evil…not the way so many had described the Dark Side.

It was more like…more like a anger, or sadness. A sense of loss.

Something everyone had experienced at one time or another. It wasn't unique to Ben Solo, or Snoke, or Darth Vader.

It was a thing that every living thing had inside of them.

So…when Finn said "sympathetic," she couldn't disagree. But it was a bit more complicated than that.

More like…she understood in a different way.

"Rey," she heard Finn's voice…it was rough, as he labored with Rose.

She turned. "Yeah?"

"Can you help me? And then we can talk. Actually, you'll talk. I'll listen."

She smiled, and nodded.

The place that the people of Voss had set up for the Resistance was a makeshift command center. It was a circular place, full of windows and bathed in light. White walls were everyplace a window wasn't.

They went in, and were guided to a room, looking much like a sick room.

"Bring her here," said someone dressed in white. "How long has she been like this?"

Rose was not lucid, but she was awake.

…and Finn began to explain, while Rey left, going down a narrow hallway to a small room at the end of the corridor.

She went in and sat on a plush chair.

After a fashion, Finn came in. He sat across from her. "Explain."

Rey looked at him. "I saw it. I saw the darkness in all of us, Finn. I see the light, too. I understand the Force…that's what Luke taught me."

"I thought that the Force…"

"You should forget what you think you know about the Force. It's not anything like what we were taught. It's more…it's like…" she looked out of the window. "Finding the interplay between light and dark, and bending it."

"Bending the play?"

"Yeah. And …the knowledge that the Force is everywhere. Luke spent his life trying to defeat the Dark Side. He should have learned to just control it."

"How?" he asked, bemused.

She heard something…but it was a something that seemed out of place. "Did you hear that?" she breathed.

"Hear what?"

"It sounded like…like a giant metal gate being closed…"

"I'm sure that there are giant doors here, Rey. Somewhere…"

She shook her head and stood. "No…it seemed…" she couldn't adequately explain it. But it sounded much louder than it ought to have; as though the sound had come from just the other side of the wall…

* * *

…and Ben Solo walked back into the mountain. The metal barrier slamming shut in his wake.


	3. Chapter 3

Rey was sitting in the room they had assigned her, and she was thinking.

What was Leia going to do? She was essentially the only leader they had, and so much was dependent on her ability to outsmart Ben.

…Ben.

Rey closed her eyes.

She had been so certain of him. So positive that she would be able to reach him…

She had been wrong.

Perhaps he was lost. Perhaps he had been too traumatized by what he believed Luke had done…

What he _had_ done, actually…

And though it made some sense, she couldn't reconcile it.

She understood him, though, in a way she hadn't planned on.

…and she opened her eyes.

She would need to check herself. It wouldn't do to show such overt sympathy for him, even if she felt it.

Which she did, despite herself.

Rey sighed. There was more to it…but she couldn't explain it. More, yet not. She had felt a tug of kind, as though the light she saw in him was akin to the light she possessed in full measure.

And the dark, that too was shared.

Rey closed her eyes again as she laid back in her bed. Her mind was full of thoughts surrounding the Force and how she understood it.

And the Force that exists between everyone and all living things…

And the Force that existed between the minds of her and Ben…

And along the precipice of Ahch-to, there was a path. It bent and twined and led to another bend. Rey was walking along it, not knowing exactly where she was going, since she didn't recognize this area of the island.

She walked along as the suns fell, not thinking about her destination, for it was only where the path led.

It could only be…

A cave sat small at the end of the path, and her foot slipped slightly on the moss. She regained herself and went to the cave, bending a bit to enter.

There was a pool, much like the one in the cavern above…the tiled pool that she had sat at with Luke.

But this was dark. There were no tiny slivers of light penetrating the space. It was fully dark.

And slowly her eyes adjusted.

And there was a person sitting, legs crossed, at the far end of the cave.

She swallowed.

Ben Solo.

…she saw him look up and see her. He appeared to be unsurprised, but Rey could sense his unease.

"Why are you here," he stated, quite simply.

"I don't know," and she didn't.

He stood now, not taking his eyes from her.

"Why are _you_ here," she returned, feeling something akin to irritation. After all, she had lived here for a short while.

"I come here occasionally," he turned from her. "It's comforting."

"I…" there was much that she wanted to say. She was sorry for his choice. She was sorry that he had been hurt. Sorry that he seemed so far from any sort of redemption…And her gaze fell from his back. "I understand."

"Do you? For I hardly do," he turned toward her now, an indescribable look on his face.

"I wanted to help you, Ben. I wanted you to see…"

"See what?" he spat. "The good in Luke Skywalker? In my father? In Snoke?" he laughed. "That's the problem, Rey. You people are always looking for this light to save everyone. There is nothing to save."

She stepped closer. "I wanted you to see the good in you, Ben. The good that I saw. The life you could live."

"What life? This is all I have left," he said softly.

"It's not. It's there," she took another step. "It's there. I could have helped you."

"There is nothing to help. I've made my choices. I see my path stretched out before me," he stepped back. "And I'm not sad for it…"

* * *

Ben opened his eyes.

He was sitting in his room, crossed legged on his bed.

And he had visited the cave he always did when he mediated on the Force, and the path.

And she had infiltrated his thoughts.

Ben stood up, running his hand through his hair. This needed to stop. He would need to somehow block her from penetrating his thoughts. It wouldn't do to have the Resistance leader in his thoughts so.

He needed to do this.

He almost believed that he wanted to.

* * *

Rey sat up breathing hard. It had seemed too real…

She got out of bed, unsure if it had been a dream or something else.

Snoke, he was dead. There was no way he was manipulating the Force now.

Could Ben being doing something?

She supposed it was possible; but he seemed to be so shocked at her appearance. No…she thought that he was not doing anything untoward.

Was it her…?

Certainly not. There was no way it could have been her.

And she longed to understand this connection that would not die between them.

Rey grabbed her lightsaber and walked outside with some purpose. She needed to spend some energy. Needed to get out of her own head.

Voss was a lovely place, no one could deny that. It had large waterfalls and deep ravines. It was a place that was warm during the day and only the smallest chill was present at night. There were blooms of every possible variety, and their fragrance penetrated the very air with astonishing ferocity.

She walked along a soft path, leaving the imprint of her feet in her wake.

And atop a cliff she found herself when the thick parted its branches.

What was the answer? What was it that would unite the different elements of the Force, and bring peace and balance to everything?

Could the Force even accomplish such a thing? Could the Republic be realized when the Force is made to balance?

She swung the saber in front of her.

She contemplated the smallest particles effervescent in the air…she could feel the space in between, from the infinitesimal to the most profound of yawns of emptiness…

And she froze.

Rey swallowed.

It made sense.

She simply didn't want to admit it to herself.

* * *

What was the point of the First Order? What was its purpose? What did it hope to gain?

These were some of the questions that Ben was asking himself as he dismissed his generals. They were heading off to the mines…and he was hoping that they would yield some fruitful results. While Crait's salt was not scarce on its own surface, it was rare enough in the galaxy.

And he was attempting to make some money. It would be the best way to increase numbers…to pay them for their time.

But as he ruminated, he began to realize that there was little in terms of real purpose for the First Order. They embraced the Dark Side of the Force, but what apart from that?

Planet destroyers.

Rapists of culture.

And he sat back. They had begun to successfully repurpose the mine. The weapons, though aged, were able to be rebuilt. He swallowed.

He wanted to rebuild things. He wanted to rebuild it all…build it afresh.

And he needn't answer to anyone now.

"Except yourself."

He turned, and there she was. "What do you mean? Myself?"

"You need to live with yourself, Ben. You need to be able to look yourself in the mirror and like what you see."

He stood. "I don't, though. That was what you always lacked. You think that you need those things. All you need is the will to do what needs to be done."

Rey smiled at him. "You know that's not entirely true."

"I know what I need to know."

"If you like," Rey shrugged, and turned away from him.

"I don't. I don't like it at all…"

"Then you need to decide what you can live with," she looked back, her body still turned from him. "And what you can't." She left the command center.

Ben looked at the floor. She had been an apparition. But it illustrated the turmoil within himself.

He _was_ conflicted, but not exactly in the way she believed him to be. It was a conflict of best plans. Which were the best plans? And how to see them through?

He had no delusions about the Dark and Light. He stood firmly where he always had.

And though she had stated her fierce resolve, he saw the hesitation in her. He believed that she could be swayed yet…

"Supreme Leader."

He looked up. "Yes?"

"The convoys have the product, and are waiting your command to launch."

"Have them, then."

He nodded and left Ben.

And he suddenly felt very lost…

* * *

"Where have you been? Leia's asking for you," Finn was keeping stride with Rey as she made her way to her room.

"I need to think. Can you tell Leia that I'll be an hour or so?"

And he took her arm. "What do you mean, an hour or so? Where've you been, Rey?" concern was etched in his features.

"Don't worry, Finn. Everything's all right. But I need some time to think…"

"About what? We're looking to send out a few ships to determine where the First Order is. This might be our chance to get rid of them, once and for all. You can't ignore it."

"I'm not ignoring it. I'm dealing with it in my own way…" and she turned, leaving him there.

She heard his footfalls behind her.

She needed to think. Needed time by herself. She needed to determine if what she had seen was something that the Force was trying to tell her…

…or something of her own design.

She went to the garden outside of the massive compound…she looked up, willing herself to see him.

…and all went silent.

And there he was.

"We need to talk," she said.

He looked at her, brow furrowed. "How are you doing this?"

"I just am."

"You just are…" he appeared to be unconvinced.

"We need to talk," she repeated.

"Where are you?"

"No where you need to concern yourself with."

"Hm," he looked as though he was trying to see around her. "What do you want?"

"Ben. I know that you've made yourself the Supreme Leader. I know what you're trying to do."

"Really? What am I trying to do?"

"Prove that you're a Dark Leader."

His back went very straight. "I don't need to prove anything. I already am a Dark Leader."

"I should have been more plain. I meant, prove to yourself that you're a Dark Leader."

She watched as his face contorted in anger. "What do you know of it? What do you know of my intentions? My own mind?"

"As much as you know of mine," she spat.

"Then…" he stepped toward her. "In that case, I've underestimated you."

"Perhaps you have," she said softly. "What did Snoke say? I'm your equal…your answer to the Force. The balance?"

"Balance…" he echoed. "There is no balance. No fairness. There is only will to power."

"You're wrong and you know it. And I can show you…"

"You? You. You can show me," he smirked. "You want to teach me…?"

"If you're willing to learn," she returned his smirk. "If you're not afraid," she added.

And something like beguilement crossed his visage. And he appeared to be weighing his options. "How?"

"Every day," she turned from him now. "I'll call for you. It will be at the same time. And we will be …just as we are. Here. And we can talk," she turned back. "Not ever very long. But ever day."

"Until our forces meet. And the last battle is fought."

"Perhaps even then," she breathed.

She looked at him…tried to look inside of him…

"Very well. Let's see what I can learn from a child of Jakku."

"Wonderful," and she smiled. "Tomorrow…same time."

He nodded, backing away.

…and disappeared.

The sound reemerged, and Rey swallowed. She knew that he thought that he'd be receiving information from her that might prove fruitful in his campaign. And she couldn't deny that that might, indeed, happen.

But Rey believed in what the Force had shown her on that precipice…

And now she was putting it to test.

* * *

And Ben, for his part, was intrigued beyond measure. There was so much in terms of what he could learn about the Resistance from this girl…

…and perhaps, this was the key to her turning.

And that, he could not leave to chance.


	4. Chapter 4

She knew that she should be ashamed. She should not be putting the Resistance in such danger.

But she couldn't help it.

She believed it when she said that he was their hope, and she needed to act on it.

And though part of her was nervous, she believed what the Force had shown her.

Rey was walking down to the meeting room, her heart thumping. She had ignored Leia's request, opting instead to speak with her son.

She doubted that that would be accepted.

So she'd need to conceal it.

She disliked the prospect.

"Where have you been?" Leia demanded.

She felt like she had been answering that a lot lately. "I needed to think. Clear my head."

"Well, while you were off head cleaning, we have been planning our next move," she looked at the company after planting a stern look at Rey. "Poe will be heading out to contact everyone in the Outer Rim that we are here and ready to fight. There will be several more convoys going undercover to more centrally located planets. And we need to discover where the First Order is…that's the most important thing. If we have that information, then I think we can contain and destroy them."

Rey's eyes fell. She was in the best position to discover the location in question. But…she wasn't ready just yet. She needed time…just a little bit of time…before she began to divulge things to Leia and the rest of them. She looked around her. There was so little of them. "I think that's a plan. No doubt the First Order is somewhat weakened, and they'll need time to regroup."

"They're not that bad off," said Poe. "They've got plenty of fighters."

"They're depleted. Their leader is unsure."

"If you mean Kylo Ren," began Leia, "I wouldn't hold your breath."

She was taken aback by the name Leia used. Kylo Ren. Not Ben. "You believe that you've lost him."

"Well, yes. I've lost so much, Rey. To try to hold on to any belief that he will be my son again is fruitless. After living my life, you learn to deal with loss in the fastest way possible."

She swallowed, then nodded. "I understand."

"No you don't…but you don't need to. In fact, I hope you never do."

Rey felt the eyes on her as she sat down to listen quietly. She was on her own mission now, and couldn't be distracted from it. She was going to need to keep herself out of the thick of it all, perhaps not leave Voss for anything…this was sensitive. It needed to be handled as such.

After a fashion, people began to leave the meeting room. There were things that needed doing…trips to be planned.

And Rey sat there still. There was no mission for her that the Resistance had assigned.

"Are you all right?"

Rey looked up into Leia's face. "Of course," she smiled.

"I'm sorry if I was too harsh earlier. I just…I want this to be over with."

"I know. And what will you do when it is?"

Leia sat next to her. "Take a long vacation."

Rey laughed. "You deserve it."

"I think so. I've not dealt with everything that's happened, really. The deaths of Han and Luke. The loss of my son to the Dark. I just keep moving so I don't need to feel anything," she looked at Rey. "That's probably not the best method."

"No…but what else can be done?"

"I don't know. And I wish that …" a faraway look washed over her. She swallowed, eyes falling. "I wish that I could speak with him."

"Ben?" Rey breathed.

And Leia nodded. "But he's lost to me. And I just can't think about it."

She didn't know what to say. She took Leia's hand…but it quickly let it fall. And she got up, thinking about food. "Come on. Let's get something to eat."

Rey laid in bed, staring at the ceiling. She thought about Leia and her grief and losses…everyone had lost so very much. And her own parents, and what Ben had said…it made sense to her. She _had_ always known, she had just convinced herself otherwise.

She turned on her side.

There was a sadness in her…it felt like a stone. And no matter what she did, it was always there. Never bigger, but never did it shrink.

And that was the Dark that Ben saw.

And Leia was his light.

She knew that she could reach him…

And tomorrow evening would be her first chance.

She'd need to be prepared.

* * *

He was ashamed that he was anticipating the meeting between himself and Rey.

Ashamed because it was more than just information he was looking forward to gathering.

It was, if he was honest, someone to talk to.

Perhaps, even, Rey specifically.

But he wouldn't think about that, because it meant that he was suffering from a kind of want, and the only thing he could afford to want was rebuilding the First Order.

And he did.

And a bit more…

Ben had awoken quite early. He had slept poorly, thinking about many things concurrently. He had thought about the convoys, about the mine. He thought about his mother.

And even, Rey. A bit.

Ben had eaten, he had gone a few rounds with the saber. He was in the command center, in the dark mine, thinking about where he should be when she called for him.

It was impossible to know if she could see his surroundings, and she would never tell him. So, he needed to be in an innocuous place.

In a dark room, in the very back of the cavern.

He'd tell his commanders that he would be taking some time to plan, and then go to meet with her.

And he was ever so slightly excited at the prospect.

It would be a long day.

"Do not disturb me. I'll need an hour at least," he was telling his general. "Tell Hux not to disturb me, especially…" he was irritated at him. He was a reminder of his own folly.

And Ben went into the storage area, found a chair, and sat down. He wondered idly for a moment if she would call for him.

And he dismissed it, knowing that she would.

A long few moments passed…

And the sound evaporated.

"Ben?"

He looked up. "I was beginning to wonder."

"You doubted me?" she held a wry smile.

"Yes," he answered, not untruthfully. "I am constantly disappointed."

"Well, I'm glad to hear that you were anticipating this," she looked around. "I've been thinking about what we can talk about."

"Good. You've done your homework."

"Tell me about your childhood."

His eyes narrowed. "My childhood?"

"Yes."

He wondered what she could possibly be getting at. "What do you want to know?"

"Anything you want to tell me."

"I…" he rubbed his palms on his thighs. She was up to something…"I had an uneventful childhood, mostly. My father was gone. My mother was busy. The Dark Side had not infiltrated anything yet. And I grew up on Chandrila…a lovely place."

"What else?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean…what did you want from life? What were your dreams?"

He shifted. No one ever asked him that before. Not even his mother, as he could recall. "What were yours?"

She smiled. "I'll tell you if you tell me."

He sat back. Quid pro quo. Touche, young Rey. He looked at her very steadily. "To be a Jedi," he said without feeling. And then…"To be the best Jedi."

Rey nodded. "And were you?"

Ben was about to answer, 'Yes,' but thought a moment. "No. I wasn't."

"Why?"

"I destroyed the Temple. I tried to kill my Master, and I joined the Sith."

She smiled. "Yes. That isn't a glowing resume for a Jedi."

He chuckled…and thought that he hadn't done that in more time than he could remember. "What about your dreams?"

Her eyes fell…"I wanted…" she shrugged. "I thought that some day I would be something. Leave Jakku and find my family…I thought that I might do some good…but I didn't know what that was."

"Well. You accomplished that."

"Have I though?"

Ben nodded. "I'd say so."

He watched as she took a deep breath, then looked up at him. "So. You said that your mother…she was busy?"

"To what do these questions tend? I thought that _you_ would be teaching _me_."

"Patience, Ben."

And the sound of his name on her lips suddenly caused him disquiet. "Why? Why is patience necessary? There are things at work, and I can't just wait for you to be ready."

"But I am teaching you. Do you think that essential lessons take an hour?"

He stood. "You think me a fool," he spat.

"No, Ben. I do not."

He stared at her, then sat down once more. "What do you believe in, Rey?"

Her eyes glazed over, and she appeared to be ruminating…"Energy. The Force. I believe in the power of redemption and the potential of love."

He smiled. "Yes. I see that."

"But you don't believe in those things."

"Not the way you do, no."

"How, then?"

And he thought of his mother, and his gaze fell. He thought of the lessons he had learned, both from Luke Skywalker and Snoke…"I believe in the strength of will. In the power of a person's mind…"

"And you will have learned, when you realize it isn't about an individual, but about the collective, and the mutual energy that exists between them."

"But the collective is made up of individuals," he returned.

"Yes," she stood now, and took a step forward. "It is."

He stayed in his chair. "Why are you doing this?"

"We already had this conversation, Ben."

He quickly took his eyes from her. He wanted to rage and scream. Tell her that he would destroy all of them. Tell her to stop being such a fool. Tell her that she was no match for him. "Tomorrow, then?"

She nodded. "Tomorrow…"

…and he disappeared.

And she was in the garden. It was warm and there was some comfort to be had there. She wished that there was a way she could be more convincing to him…wished that…

Rey stopped. She should cease any wishing. Keep her mind focused on the task at hand.

And she turned to go back into the compound.

"What were you doing?"

"Hi Finn," she said, not looking.

"What were you doing?" he repeated.

"Thinking…"

"You were talking."

She stopped now and turned toward him. "You were spying on me."

"Maybe. Since you're always alone…thinking," he sounded irritated. "What's going on. You're here, but I never felt your absence so much."

"Finn…I know that things seem strange. But we are at a cross path. We are, as a Resistance, either heading one way or another. And I want to make sure that we go the right way."

"How are you doing that?"

She smiled. "By thinking," and she turned, leaving him there.

She felt badly, but it needed doing. She needed to, because she felt as though everything depended on its success.

And part of her was enjoying it, though she really hated to admit it.

Which, in a way, verified what she believed the Force had shown her, thus making her quest the right one.

Rey wanted to be with the others…she thought this as she walked down the hall to the bedrooms. She misliked being so solitary, with Ben Solo her only confidant.

And yet part of her believed that that was exactly as it should be. That was how this would be won.

How life could return to some semblance of normalcy.

She opened her door.

Tomorrow she would need to alter her behavior. She would need to be more amiable. She could not continue to be so isolated and melancholy.

And she went to her room with that resolve.

What she would discuss with Ben on the periphery of her thoughts.


	5. Chapter 5

Chandrila's summer was dying.

The air was buzzing with insects, birds, and other flying things. The colors were vibrant, breathing their last song before the days lost their length.

And Ben Solo, about to leave for Jedi training, was standing on the balcony of the palace he spent his days mostly alone in.

He breathed deeply, thinking about where he was going, who he was going with, and what he would be doing.

"Are you nervous?" Leia was still fully young; her brown eyes wide and smiling.

"A little," he admitted.

"Don't be," and she slipped her arm through his. "Your uncle will be a good teacher. But don't forget to trust your instincts. If you are ever unsure, you can always send for me."

"What about father?" he mumbled.

…and he felt her head fall slightly. "He sends his love."

"Of course."

She turned him to her…"Ben. I know that I don't have the same connection with the Force as Uncle Luke…but I see something in you. Something that I think will ultimately create a balance…the balance that has been promised."

And he felt a connection to her…that she could see something like that in him, when he never could see much of anything at all. "Balance?"

"Light and Dark," she pulled away from him. "I love you, Ben. Please don't forget that."

He nodded, thinking he never would…

…but part of him had.

And he cracked his knuckles. Balance.

What was the worth of balance? It indicated some sort of weakness to him. Or, at least, non-committal.

He detested weakness, mostly because he feared it in himself.

If he was honest, he had fallen prey to it on more than one occasion.

But he was so seldom honest that he didn't give that inclination much thought. Of course people spoke of balance. It satisfied both sides of their natures, longing to be forgiven for their natural propensity to crave power, or dominance…or whatever term suits.

But there was a comfort he had recalling his mother's tenderness. He had not wanted to leave her, even though he was nearly a man.

He wanted to be the person she thought he was.

And part of him wondered what had happened to that person, and if he had ever existed to begin with.

He would need to abandon the childish tendency to please his mother…he had gotten rid of the nuisance that was his father…

"Excuse me, sir."

Ben turned and looked into the face of General Hux. "What is it?"

"The convoys have returned…they have credits. I assumed you'd want to know."

"How much?"

"At least ten thousand. They said that the farmers on Dantooine were happy with the gems."

"Good," he nodded. "That'll suit for now."

"We need to pay the men. Shall I begin that process?"

Ben stiffly jerked his head to signify agreement.

Hux shifted his weight. "And…what should I do with anything remaining?"

"Put it aside. We will likely need it for bargaining," he paused. "Were there any whispers of the Resistance?"

"None that the convoys reported. Though Dantooine is hardly a hub of activity."

"No."

He bowed. "When will they be sent on their next mission?"

"Probably next week. They can rest in the meanwhile."

Hux turned and left.

And Ben thought about his plans…he wanted to build support. Wanted to infiltrate the economy.

Pain and suffering wouldn't win the hearts of anyone. Fear was only part of the Dark Side. He needed to be smarter than Snoke. Than Palpotine. Than Darth Vader.

Every one of their Empires failed, and Ben thought that he knew why.

It was because the leaders only wanted to stamp out any opposition…they never looked at what they really wanted once they had power. They never saw that the power was only as good as the leader.

He saw it. He knew that there needed to be a purpose…

He knew it as he heard Snoke muttering about whatever he was muttering about. He didn't believe in him. He had lost any faith he had in his master…

So he chose to be his own.

And he truly had hope in her. He saw her as the key to this question.

And his mother's word snuck inside his head…

Balance.

He cringed a bit…but that was what he saw when he held out his hand to her…

And why it hurt when she closed the hatch on his face.

Though he was loathe to admit it.

Ben looked at the time.

One hour until she visited.

He left the command center and went to his bedroom. He thought that there he would have the privacy he desired, and could simply go to sleep if he wanted after their meeting. He had felt fatigued following their last one.

Ben sat in a chair…it was a dreary place; but then, it was a mine. No light.

He closed his eyes, listening very hard.

And he laid back in the chair, his head hitting the top.

…It was so misty that it was almost impossible to see anything…

And he was standing alone, looking at the Great Tree.

It was a shell; ashes and rot.

And he felt little but something like remorse.

Because he hadn't done it.

"Yoda did that."

He felt his stomach churning. "Is that so?"

"Yes. He always was funny that way," Luke Skywalker said next to him.

"Why would he do it?"

"To learn from our mistakes."

"Our mistakes," he hissed.

"The Jedi's."

And Ben turned to look at him. "Well. What did the Jedi learn?"

"You should ask her."

"Her?"

Skywalker smiled. "You like her."

Ben's eyes narrowed. "What are you talking about? Once more, you make no sense. Your arrogance and conceit…"

"I am arrogant. Conceited. I believed that I always knew the best way."

Ben faced him fully now. "And you were wrong," he yelled. A meek thing, considering.

"I was. But not now," Luke shook his head. "Balance to you Ben. Bring balance…you have much power…but do not let it control you."

His eyes hurt from the strain of boring his gaze into him. He shook slightly. "How are you doing this."

"I'm gone, Ben. But as I said. I'm with you. Always," he smiled, then turned.

And he was gone.

And Ben was alone.

"Ben?"

Her voice came from far away…

He opened his eyes…

There she was.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I lost my time."

"Are you all right?"

He nodded. "Fine."

She seemed to be unconvinced. "Well. All right. So…" she turned away and appeared to slide her hand along something…

…and for a moment, he thought that she was getting her light saber…

Rey swallowed. She'd need to be careful. "So. You had dreams of being a Jedi," and turned back again.

"Yes."

She nodded. "When you were at the Temple, what did you like best about your lessons?"

She watched as he flitted his eyes, trying to see where she was. "I liked the dueling. I was good at it."

"Just that?"

"I…do you mean I was just good at that or I just liked that?" he smiled very slightly.

And Rey now smiled. "Either. Both."

"I'm good at many things…I liked fewer."

"Of course you are," she said, not unkindly.

"You don't believe me?"

"No I do. But I want to know what you liked. What you found joy in."

His gaze fell. "I enjoyed making the elders proud."

She stopped. This, she did not expect. "Did you?" she sounded slightly confused.

"Is that difficult to believe?"

"No," and she thought about the intensity with which he lated Luke. It was beyond betrayal to him…it was a destruction of sorts.

"What of you? What did you enjoy about Jakku?"

"Nothing," she quickly said without thinking.

"That…I can easily believe."

And Rey looked at him, then laughed. "Jakku is empty. I wanted something more."

"What did you want?" he stood now, not taking his eyes from her.

"I told you."

"You told me what you thought you wanted me to hear."

There was truth in that.

"Are you serious about this or not?" he said…there was some danger in his voice.

She didn't want Ben Solo inside of her head, but she instantly knew that was unfair. She was getting inside of his. "I…I wanted to know who my family was. And if I couldn't know that, I wanted to know what my place was in this universe. And if it was no where or nothing, I wanted to help a cause I believed in."

He appeared to be satisfied. "You turned me down."

"Because I don't believe in your cause."

"What do you think that is?"

"To hold unfair rule over people who don't share your power."

"And what else?"

"I…" she paused. "What do you mean?"

"Do you think that's all I'm trying to do?"

"You're trying to hurt innocent lives."

"Innocent," he laughed. "No one, Rey, is innocent."

"All right. Weaker lives."

"Would they not benefit from the power of the Dark Side? Would they not benefit from a leader?"

"No."

He shook his head. "I'm trying to instill order to places that have none. Trying to give people someone to turn to. Trying to have them embrace the things they long to embrace. Leaders are so misguided normally. Look at Snoke. What a fool! He had no direction…all he could see was the destruction of the Resistance. Supreme order was a convoluted and unclear idea."

"And you can have supreme order? What if those who you rule don't agree with you?"

"Then we see how we can reach a compromise."

"Compromise," she laughed. "Ben…the Dark Side is all about getting what you want at any cost and in any way possible."

"The Dark Side," he took a step toward her. "Is about realizing your full power. The Light is blinding to that."

She stared at him for a second, weighing her options. "I can't believe in your cause. But that doesn't mean that I need you to believe in mine."

"What is your cause other than defeating the First Order?"

"Restoring peace."

"And when was there peace?" he stepped back once more.

"I…" she wasn't sure. "Well. Making peace."

"With the First Order?" he smiled.

"With whomever. Look…we are off topic."

"Yes. You are supposed to be teaching me," he sat down again.

"Yes," she repeated, regaining herself. She felt like reaching out and taking his hand…she felt like giving him a hug.

…and she wondered for a moment just how that would be received. Probably not well. "I think that that'll do, actually, for today."

"How disappointing."

"What do you mean?"

"The moment things get interesting, you stop the lesson."

"You think that things were getting interesting now?"

"Debate is always interesting. Especially if your opponent is prepared."

And a thought passed over her. "What if…what if you come up with a topic to debate, and we debate it. Then I come up with one."

"As part of my education?" he sounded unsure.

"Of course. Doesn't a good education include rigorous debate?"

"I wouldn't know."

Rey clapped her hands. "Well, neither would I. So let's pretend that it does."

"How do we determine who is the winner?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. We weigh the results fairly."

Ben nodded. "All right. This will be tomorrow's lesson?"

"Yes."

"How many more of these do I need before you have completed your teaching?"

"Bored?" she smiled.

"Never," he sounded aghast, but smiled, too.

"I'm not sure. Five, maybe? Until I think you've got it."

"I assure you Rey. I've got it."

"But I'm the one you need to convince," she simpered ever so slightly.

"All right. Tomorrow, then," and he disappeared.

Rey nodded, watching him vanish.

Why was she suddenly sounding so young?

…and why did it seem like they were flirting?

Rey went back into the compound, her thoughts filled with the debate that the next day held, and wondering what she would do for it.


	6. Chapter 6

When she woke the next day, she was cold.

And her thoughts went immediately to the debate she was supposed to engage in with Ben later.

She had no idea what she would propose as a topic.

Rey swung her legs over and stood. She was hungry…

And she went to the barracks where warm food was being prepared. Rey sat by herself at a long table. She ate and thought…

Probably one of the only things she wanted to know from Ben was what he thought of himself.

So…it then made sense what she needed to ask.

It was with a quick step that she walked to the command center. She thought that she needed to make an appearance, and she rather believed that she should see Finn, at any rate.

She walked in, and it fell silent.

Rey looked around, and everyone was turned toward her.

"Hi," she said nervously.

…and they all went back to talking.

Rey sat next to Poe along the periphery, and swallowed. Finn was standing in the background, looking solemn. She folded her hands and tried to appear to be as attentive as possible…

"How is it possible that no one saw them leave?" Leia was saying.

"No one knew that we were there…?" offered a lower lieutenant Rey did not know.

General Oragana nodded. "Yes. I suppose that's very likely. But then…where are they?"

Rey surmised that they were discussing the whereabouts of the First Order. She could, with some maneuvering, discover them…she was certain of that. But it would involve questions that she wasn't sure she as ready to ask, or indeed, if Ben was ready to answer.

She was just gaining his trust. She did not want to jeopardize that.

"They aren't out here in the Outer Rim. They would have been spotted, and likely reported."

"Perhaps Mid Rim. Certainly not the Core Territories."

And on and on the debate raged. Rey was sitting there, quietly wishing that she was someplace else.

She then caught Finn out of the corner of her eye…he was shifting…

Then he left.

Rey stood immediately and followed him…causing some murmur from the company.

She didn't care.

"Finn!" she called as she tried to catch him.

He stopped, turning. He looked irritated.

"Where are you going?" she asked.

"I'm checking on Rose."

She nodded, "Can I join you?"

Finn shrugged, turning again and beginning his long stride down the hall.

"How is she?" Rey asked.

"Better."

"Good. I'm glad."

No answer.

"Finn…"

"Yeah?"

"Are you in love with Rose?"

This stopped him. "I don't know," he was looking at the floor.

"She's lovely," Rey smiled.

"Why were you at that meeting?"

"What?"

He looked at her now. "Of all the meetings, why that one?"

"Because…because I've been busy, and there happened to be one just then, when I wasn't."

"Uh-huh."

"What? Don't you believe me?"

"What's going on, Rey?"

"On?" she shifted.

"Yes. Something is going on with you. I'm not stupid."

"I know that!" she was affronted. "But…it's…"

"Let me guess. It's complicated."

"Well…"

Finn turned again, walking. "I thought that we were friends."

"We are!"

"You have a funny way of acting like it."

"Look…I'm working on something. And I think it might help…maybe even put an end to all of this."

Finn stopped, and looked at her very slowly. "What do you mean, end it?"

"I mean that what I'm doing…when I'm off by myself…might…" she swallowed. "Help us. The Resistance."

"What are you doing?"

"I…can't tell you," she winced.

"Of course," and he started walking again.

"Finn!" she ran after him. "Wait!"

"I don't want to talk about it, Rey. You've been weird ever since we left Crait. And I'm done trying to talk to you. Rose needs me."

She grabbed his elbow. "I'll tell you. Please…"

Finn stopped, arms folded. "Go ahead."

Her countenance held worry. "Before I say anything, you need to promise me that you won't tell anyone."

He shifted, then nodded.

"And you need to promise that you won't try to stop me, because I'm not going to stop until I've either succeeded or die trying."

Finn's face fell. "What are you talking about? Die trying?"

"Just…I know I'm safe, but not everyone else will understand."

"Rey…"

She swallowed. "Come on. Let's go in here…" and she led him into a dark room. "Ok," she closed the door behind her, thinking about where she needed to begin.

At the beginning, she supposed.

"When I was with Luke, on Ahch-To, I learned many things. Luke taught me about the Force, about the Jedi…but there was something that happened to me there that was not related to anything Luke had to teach.

One day, all sound left me, and there was Ben Solo. Standing in front of me."

"Keylo Ren was there on Ahch-To?" Finn sounded scandalized.

"No. He was on the ship with Snoke, but we were communicating. He was there, and we were talking. He saw me, and I saw him."

Finn looked worried. "Ok."

"So…this happened a few more times. Ben would appear, and we'd speak for a moment or two…and then he'd disappear. I was nervous a bit, because I didn't understand, but I went with it…" Rey began to pace. How much should she divulge? "Well, Ben Solo told me his version of what happened at the Jedi temple, and Luke pretty much corroborated it. And I went to see him. Ben. Because Luke said that he wouldn't help, and I was convinced that Ben was our hope, if I could get him to abandon the Dark Side of the Force…"

Finn was shaking his head. "I don't like this. I don't like it, Rey…"

"Just…just listen. So Ben took me to Snoke. And …it was amazing, Finn. He killed Snoke. Ben did. And we killed the guard…but he…he wasn't ready. He still thought that the Dark Side was where he belonged."

"And? He killed Snoke. So what?"

"I discovered that the connection was Snoke's doing…except," she swallowed. "It wasn't."

"I don't understand."

"Snoke was creating the connection between Ben and I. He enabled us to talk. But when it was over, and we landed here, it started again. And that's what I've been doing…speaking to Ben. Trying to get him to listen. To learn from the Light."

"You've been talking to Kylo Ren. The Supreme Leader. The enemy. In the garden…" his voice became elevated. "And you're calling him _Ben?_ "

"Finn…"

"What the hell is going on? Fraternizing with the enemy? Calling him Ben?" he was incredulous.

"I've been trying to make him see that he's more than just an evil ruler. That there is Light inside of him…I saw it, Finn," she took his hands. "I saw it. He can be turned."

But Finn was shaking his head. "No. No…I can't…."

"All right. But do you trust me?"

He looked at her very steadily. "I don't know anymore, Rey. He killed his own father. He wants us all dead."

She couldn't argue with that…and it bothered her that she couldn't. Maybe she was on a fool's errand. No doubt Ben had his own agenda. And it likely meant the end of her friends and the Resistance.

Maybe even her.

"I…I know it sounds like madness," she dropped his hands. "But I know what I saw. And I know that Ben Solo turning is the way this will end. And it can be done…Luke did it for his father…"

"He was his father! Who are you to Kylo Ren?"

Rey swallowed. She was no one to him. No matter what he had said. "Just…don't tell anyone, all right?" she turned to leave.

"Rey."

She looked.

"Please be careful…"

She nodded. And she knew that he wouldn't stay silent forever.

She took note of the time, and a deep breath. It was nearly that time.

* * *

Rey was in the garden again. She looked around to make certain that no one was watching her. She had locked all of the doors behind her. "Ben?"

And there he was.

He appeared to be tired.

"Are you all right?" she asked.

"Fine."

Rey's brow furrowed. "Well. Ok…have you thought about your debate topic?"

"I have. And you?"

"Of course."

"You first. You're the teacher," he smiled.

Rey smirked softly and nodded. Here goes nothing…"The topic is, can a person change?"

"Really?"

And Rey's face hardened. "Yes. Really…it's actually fairly complex."

He sighed. "Very well. I'll go first. Yes. A person can change."

She smiled.

"Does that surprise you?" Ben asked.

"Not at all."

"No? I would have thought that you were expecting me to say that no one can change."

"Well, you had a pleasant childhood. Nothing to indicate that you'd turn to the Dark Side…and yet you did."

He nodded. "I appreciate your frankness," he paused. "And what about you?"

"What?"

"Do you think people can change?"

Rey shifted. "Not in essentials, no."

"Essentials?"

"The most base things…that which makes us uniquely us."

His eyes narrowed. "So you think me the same person as I was when I was a child?"

"No," she walked toward him. "And yes."

"You aren't making sense."

"I think that you have many of the same qualities that you had when you were a child. As do I."

"I'm no child, Rey."

She swallowed. "I never said that you were…" and there was something in his look that gave her disquiet. Or something like it.

"Good," he nodded. "But there can be something that might alter a person so completely that they are rendered almost unrecognizable…"

"I don't think so," and she felt small.

"That something can be an event…" he stepped toward her. "Or a struggle…" another step. "Or a person…" and he was in front of her now.

"Ben."

"Yes?" he said softly.

"You're drifting too far from the point."

His face fell a touch, she barely saw it happen. "The point? Which one?"

"If a person can change."

"It was discussed."

Rey turned and sat down. "Not enough."

"Well? What else do you need to know?"

"We are not in agreement."

He sighed, but opened his palms, and sat across from her in a chair that had been invisible to her until he sat. "I say that people can change. I've seen it. Their will bends with every whim. If it is advantageous to be one way, they will be that person. And they will continue to be that person until it no longer suits them."

"But a person who is inherently good will feel remorse. They will want to eventually make things right. They will sleep poorly while they are going against their nature. They will be in constant conflict. And they will not be content until they are true to themselves."

He smiled slightly. "Perhaps that is true, for a bit. Perhaps a person will feel those things for a short while. But they can grow accustomed to things, and become them. And any remorse, then, is gone."

"No. Not gone," she stood. "Just asleep."

And he stood now. "Is that what you're trying to do, Rey? Awaken remorse in me? Stir some sleeping goodness?"

"I'm trying to make you see that the good doesn't just disappear. It's dormant."

"It's dead."

"It's there. I saw it."

"You see what you want to see."

"As do you."

He huffed and turned away…she was heaving slightly.

"You're right. I do see what I like. I see what I need to see. Otherwise what sense can I make of anything?"

"The truth, Ben…" Rey said softly.

"What do you mean, truth? And why do you keep calling me Ben? Your arrogance is astounding."

"It's your name," she said simply.

"Ben is gone."

"What do you mean?" she swallowed. She might be losing him.

"He's gone. I know that you want to help…" he looked at her now. "But there's nothing to be done."

"Ben…" she reached for him, longing to comfort him somehow.

"Don't!" he jerked away. "Stop. I've learned what I can from you and your lessons, I think."

"No wait. What are you saying?" she was desperate.

"We are done here."

"No…please, just a little more time…"

"Why?" he whispered. "What good will it do?"

"I want to learn from you…and you can still learn from me…just…just sleep on it. I'll call for you tomorrow…and if you feel the same way…then…then we can stop," she said sadly. And then, "And we still need your debate topic," she ended.

He sighed. Smiled. Nodded. "Tomorrow," and he disappeared.

Ben felt himself shaking slightly. That did not go to plan…not at all.

He had torrid dreams the night previous. Rey had infiltrated them, and he was confused and put out by them.

Ben closed his eyes. He could not decide if he desired her only or if something more…nefarious was at play. He had supposed that it was all of the time they had been spending in this cosmic connection time out of mind.

But he needed this time, which was why he had agreed to tomorrow. He looked forward to it unlike anything else.

And that was disturbing, too.

The attraction had become more than just this gateway to communication. It had seeped into his cells and wrought him undone…

And when he had advanced upon her earlier, he was hoping to see a flicker of kind.

But he spied nothing there; though that did not surprise him.

She was not attracted to him. And what would happen, really, if she did?

Nothing.

It was impossible.

Ben left the room unsettled and exhausted.

His dreams had made for pitiful sleep…

…and he didn't suppose he'd have better luck that night.


	7. Chapter 7

Her face…no. More her smile…was constantly there.

It had been a torturous night. And it wasn't just _her_ …it was his mother, too. His dead mother's face, or her presence…something. She was there.

And there was nothing he could do. He was completely enslaved by his own mind. Nothing he did could stave the thoughts…

So much for being a Sith.

Ben was trying to regain his name from her. He had tried to call himself Kylo Ren in his mind. Tried to encourage the generals to call him Leader Ren…but they wouldn't, it was always "Supreme Leader"; nor would his mind surrender.

He had become Ben once more to himself, and with it, his mother's son.

A few short meetings with her and he hardly recognized himself.

He hated it.

And he had raged in the morning…ripping his bedclothes and overturning furniture. And he wondered at his hate…

Because he mostly felt sad now.

He hated his sadness.

Ben was walking along Crait's frozen gems, bundled against the cold and unbeknownst to his company. He had met with some people who live on the planet, asking who their leader was.

 _No one._

No one is in charge?

 _No._

How do you get by?

 _By ourselves._

How many of you are there?

 _Maybe a thousand._

How did you come to be here?

 _No one can remember._

Would you care to join me in the First Order?

 _No._

And he left.

Snoke would have killed them all there where they stood…simple miners who only killed when they needed to and who mostly kept to themselves.

Not Ben.

He nodded and turned away from them.

Because she would have been disappointed…because she saw something in him…something that no one else saw, or admitted to seeing, in quite some time.

And he wasn't even certain which "she" he was thinking of. They both were irritatingly there.

He thought that he wanted to be Vader…his grandfather had become something of a mythical father figure to him. Someone to admire. Someone who would have been proud of him.

He had forgotten his mother.

And he was ashamed.

He had bought Snoke's promises. Wanted desperately to believe him.

And he had always been so very desperate.

And desperation makes for hideous results.

Ben entered the mine, and there was a hum in the air. He looked around…everyone appeared to be doing something, and he wondered who had given the orders for so much rushed activity. He saw Hux…"What's happening?"

"Supreme Leader," he bowed. "We have word that Nal Hutta is interested in joining us."

"Who gave you this word?"

"We received the information from Bilbousa just an hour ago. We are sending our diplomats now…"

Ben nodded, Then looked around. "Don't send all of them. Nal Hutta is notorious for deception. It is a world full of criminals and polluted rain," he looked at Hux. "Send three ships. You'll be on one of them," and he walked away.

He didn't care what Hux thought. He cared even less what happened to him.

He would need to get back to the room in the back of the compound…it was creeping on the time.

And to think that he almost didn't go. What would he be doing now instead?

…Sulking and trying desperately to look like he knew what he was doing.

Ben smiled.

He was testing her a bit yesterday. He was doing a lot of things yesterday.

Seeing what she thought of him. Flirting.

Yes. Flirting.

He walked into the room…thinking…

He should likely give it all up. It was a weakness. He should not allow anything to detract from his purpose…

Which was something he was redefining.

He sat, regaining himself.

He had accomplished much that day, all things considered. Saying goodbye to the girl should not have been so complicated.

He looked at the wall.

Yet when the time came, he couldn't do it. He resisted and he acquiesced much too quickly to her suggestion of today's meeting.

And she wanted him to think about whether to continue these meetings.

He hadn't accomplished the goal he had set to discover the whereabouts of the Resistance. He hadn't even really attempted it.

…and he wondered idly if it even mattered.

The First Order could accomplish much without destroying the Resistance.

And he closed his eyes.

…"Ben?" the sound emerged as through a pressure of air.

And he opened them. "Rey," he said, nodding.

She appeared to be assured.

She was play acting.

"You seem better today."

"Do I?"

She nodded.

"Well. I've been thinking about a lot of things."

"What things?"

"The nature of my purpose. The person who my mother thought that I was…" his voice trailed.

"You are that person, Ben."

He glared at her for a moment. "So. My debate topic."

He watched her swallow, then nod. "Ready."

He weighed his options. There were only two, really. "What is the nature of goodness?"

"That nature of goodness…" she repeated. "That seems…"

"Like a large topic?"

She smiled. "Well…"

"Allow me to rephrase. Can good exist without evil?"

She shook her head, nonplussed. "Of course…"

"But …can it? What measure would you use to determine something's goodness?"

"If something's good…it's just…good."

"You need balance."

Rey's face fell. "Balance."

And he nodded. "Therefore…if it's always light, you'd never know it was light, because there would be no darkness."

"No darkness," she repeated. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying, Rey, that I cannot leave the Dark Side. You need me to be there…here. I would be doing a disservice to attempt to abandon it."

"Ben…that's just…that's not what balance means. It means that we have both light and dark inside of us. That we need both things to exist inside of us…"

"What's the difference? Inside, outside?"

"The difference," she stood. "Is that there is light inside of you. And once you choose to see it, then you can be free."

He held her look…"Free."

She nodded.

"There is no freedom, Rey," he whispered.

"There is love. And that can help you become free…"

He smiled. "Love."

"You know love. You've felt it."

"How would you know," he spat.

"Your mother loves you. I know that."

"My mother," he began. "Is dead."

Her brow furrowed. "N…no. No. Leia's alive."

"What?"

"She's alive. She's here."

"Alive…" and many things went through his mind. He stood. The dreams…And should this make a difference? "Where?"

"Here…" she sounded unsure. "You thought she was dead."

"Obviously," but he was too distracted to pay much mind to what he was saying.

"Do you…would you like me to get her?"

"No," he quickly replied. What would he say to her? It was best not to think of it just then. "No," and now he looked at her. "I want you to answer another question…" and he swallowed. "Do you…" and he stopped. How could he ask this without sounding like an idiot? And without simply repeating himself? "Rey…"

"What?"

"How do you see this progressing?"

"This?"

"Yes. This connection we share."

"I don't know," her eyes fell then quickly found his again. "What do you think?"

He stepped toward her. "Only one of two ways."

"Only two?" she smiled very slightly. "How did you reach that number?"

He ignored her statement. "We will either kill each other, or marry."

And her face hardened. "That seems pretty extreme."

"It's the only way. We are opposing forces…we either join or destroy one another."

She swallowed. "Do you want to see your mother?" she whispered.

"I don't know," he honestly answered, because she ignored his assertion.

…and he watched tears form in the corners of her eyes. "Ben…I …I wish that…"

"No wishes, Rey. We are here, now."

"And?"

And he didn't know…He straightened his back. "We should save this for another time. Let's wait a few days."

"What?" she sounded as though she was speaking through a wall.

"Let's wait. I'll call for you next time. And it'll be a few days.."

"Ben!" she shouted.

But he was gone.

And Rey was alone.

…and confused.

What had just happened? She was frozen to the spot. Her mouth was dry.

She began to turn…and she felt as though she was not even present…she was somewhere else.

And she walked, as though elsewhere, through the door to the inside…

…and she began to run…

And her lightsaber was drawn, and she burst through another door, getting outside …and she slashed the weapon through branches of trees. She ran…she cut them down…stones and flying things flew away in her wake…

And she stopped.

And she breathed…she felt her breath, her skin prickled with sweat from her running…and she felt the enormity of everything that just happened.

It was a revelation, but not in the way that he had likely imagined.

She had been shown the evolution of Ben. The Force had shown her…

Shown her with him, holding his hand…she was in a place with him, a place she did not recognize, and there were crystal waters lapping sandy shores…he was smiling at her…and she had nodded…

And Rey had assumed that she had seen them, many years from now, and they were friends. He had turned. He had learned to see the good in himself, with her help, and was content.

It was one of many possibilities, she knew.

But what she hadn't considered, not even for a moment, was that they were _together_ , in a romantic way.

Never had she thought of that as a remote possibility.

But now…

Now it seemed as though it was more than just a possibility.

It seemed as though it was happening.

Because even if she was not able to say anything out loud, it was …

It was real.

The connection. It wasn't simply a chance thing.

It was a real connection that she shared with him.

…and Rey watched as the sun set…

And she felt cold.

* * *

It was many hours.

Or ten minutes,

That she stood again, feeling her feet.

And she felt like a traitor. She had done much more than fraternize with the enemy…

Rey walked back, defeated.

She would not speak to anyone. She would leave Voss. She would travel far…

She had failed, and that was that.

And there was something humbling about that fact, her failure. She had been so assured of her success.

But she was nobody's child. That thing which dwelled inside of her was something that could be tamed. It would have to be. She could retreat, in a way that Leia, or Poe…

…or even Ben…

…could not. She could have some anonymity. It would not be difficult.

She knew that she was nobody; and this was final proof, for a Jedi, a _real_ Jedi, would not have succumbed to something as stupid as romantic entanglements.

And it was so obvious, she chided herself…

Rey was in her room, shoving things into a bag, and she even lamented her lack of things…it was pitiful, the lot.

"Leaving?"

Rey turned. "General Oragana," Rey replied.

"So…you're skipping off, hm? I could tell that something has been amiss with you since we arrived here."

"Yes," Rey's gaze fell. "I'm sorry. I'm not the person you thought I was."

"Oh, I don't know about that, Rey. I think you're pretty much the budding Jedi who is unsure and also fiercely proud. You have talent…maybe too much? And you are scared, though you'd never admit it," Leia smiled.

Rey wiped a tear from her cheek. "It's no use," she said softly. "No use."

"What's no use, dear?" Leia went to her, took her hand.

"I thought that I could help…end it. I thought…"

"End what?"

"This…the war," she looked at Leia again. "But I'm too …young. Too weak. I have too much more to learn."

"You know that you're wise when you realize that you know absolutely nothing," she nodded. "It isn't knowledge that you need, Rey."

"What do I need?"

"Nerve. Love. Hope. Same as anyone," and she dropped her hand, shrugging.

Rey considered for a moment, then nodded. "How do we win?"

"We don't," and Leia turned from her. "We learn to accept that we don't, and we keep evil at bay, knowing that they will never win, either. There are no winners in war... There can only be Light and Dark, and the grey is where we live."

"I don't understand."

Leia turned and looked at her again, a wry smile on her face. "Just accept their love, dear. Whoever they are…"

"What?"

"Love is beautiful and important, especially during war, for it is love that gives us hope, and hope is everything."

Rey shook her head. "Can I love him? I've never been …and he is …complicated."

Leia laughed soundly. "You sound like me, when I fell in love with Han. Of course he's complicated…but he will never be boring. Take your time, Rey. I'll be here when you're ready to return…" she left.

She stood there, bag in hand.

And with a sudden movement, she left the room and strode long down the hall. She found the Falcon relatively easily…

"No, Chewy. This is my mission…"

Chewbacca was following her.

"I'll be back," she paused a moment. "I think," and she boarded the ship.

Rey didn't look back as the Millennium Falcon tore through the atmosphere of Voss.


	8. Chapter 8

The sky was grey.

And he was outside in the most frigid air, thinking, pacing, ruminating.

They had left for Nal Hutta, and he was waiting word…he was fairly confident that there would be a favorable response.

And Hux was gone, probably at least another week, which made Ben smile.

He looked back up into the sky…

Tomorrow he would call for her.

He could feel her discontent, but nothing outside of that. He didn't know what she was thinking, really, only that she was upset. And he wanted badly to see her…to see for himself what she was doing, how she was doing…

…because he knew that despite himself, he loved her.

This was no easy pill to swallow. He had never loved a woman before. In fact, he had had only dubious relationships at best.

A couple of girls at the Temple where he was closely watched and guarded.

But Rey was different. She was him, he was her…perfect compliments to each other. He rather resented his love, but he knew that to attempt to squash it was folly. The Force was behind this, and like a Jedi, or Sith, or whatever he was once and now was, was beholden to it.

The problem was mostly with her now and her reaction to it.

She felt it too, he was certain.

Ben sighed and walked back into the compound.

Tomorrow he would call her.

* * *

Rey didn't know where she was going at first, she was in the Falcon, soaring through the galaxy.

And then she thought about what had happened, and what she believed needed doing.

And she turned the ship around.

…

Jakku was just as arid as the day she left. It was brown and hot and she landed the Falcon with a soft thud.

Rey disembarked and stepped on the soft, hot sand. She was just a rise away from the place she called home…

What was she doing there now?…it was nothing to her.

But it was, she thought as she began to walk, the only home she'd ever known, and that was _something._

She entered the massive yawn of a skeletal ship, and looked around.

How long had it been now?

Just under a year?

She took her bag off and sat, wiping her brow.

It was cowardice that had compelled her to return. She was frightened…she admitted that to herself.

She was scared of the way she put her own plan above everything else, including the plan that the Resistance had devised. She wasn't even certain what that plan was, she was so inside her own head.

With him.

She winced and stood to begin the cleaning process.

Rey was scrubbing hard after she returned from the watering hole. It was good work, what she was doing…

She knew that no one would ever come back for her, and she was ok with that. She would live out her life on Jakku, and that would be that.

She would ignore everything and everyone…a solitary life was something that she had known for many years.

She was ok with it.

Rey wouldn't think about Leia or Finn or Rose or Poe…

BB8. Or C-3PO.

Or him.

Ben.

She sat on her haunches. She wondered if he knew…or felt her confusion. She didn't feel anything …any sadness or worry or anger, that she could attribute to him.

Rey looked up. She wondered if he would be able to reach her here on Jakku. She hadn't considered the possibility that he would…She assumed that the connection would not be made unless she was a willing participant, which she wasn't anymore.

She almost believed that.

* * *

Rey woke with the sun in her face, and she sat straight up.

She must have overslept by quite a bit…

And she swung her legs over her makeshift bed, standing up. She heated some water, and with some more, washed her teeth and face.

"Rey."

She squealed and turned.

There was Ben.

"Ben," she said, breathless. "How did you find me?"

"Where are you?" his brow furrowed.

"I…" she swallowed, and her gaze fell.

"You left them," he stated simply.

And she nodded, still not looking.

"Good. We can speak freely then."

"Didn't we always?"

"No," he replied slowly. "I don't think so."

And now she looked. "I did."

"Hm. Well. Perhaps I didn't."

How infuriatingly confusing of him. "What do you want?"

"I told you I'd be calling in a few days, and I generally keep my word. Besides. We were discussing a sensitive subject."

Her heart quickened. He wanted to talk about that thing. That thing that he accused her of. The reason she was here, on Jakku.

"Where are you, Rey?"

"I'm…away. Safe."

"From?"

"Everyone."

"No…" he began slowly again. "You are keeping yourself away for everyone else's safety."

She shrugged, and fidgeted. "What do you want?" she asked again.

He chucked a touch. "Where do you see this going?"

"I don't know."

"Oh come on. Play fair. If you see it as a long hall with a slammed shut door, just say it. Though I'd know that you were lying," he added the caveat with a smirk.

Rey huffed.

"I've sensed your …discontent. I knew that something was happening with you."

"You did?"

"Though running away was not something I would have guessed."

"I didn't run away," she spat.

"Yes you did."

Her face hardened. "Fine. I ran away. So? Why is it a concern of yours?"

He swallowed…"You know why."

And she felt the heat creep up her neck, but couldn't answer.

"Rey. Where do you see this heading?"

"I don't know," and she didn't.

He appeared to be disappointed. "Say it."

"Say what?"

"Rey…you feel it. Just say it."

And she felt tears threatening. "Ben…I can't. I just…"

"You're afraid. Afraid of me."

"You are a killer, Ben. You are a slave to the Dark Side."

"As you are to the Light."

"It's not the same thing."

"Isn't it?" he appeared to pace, his anger rising. "Are you or are you not beholden to your leader? Do you fight for a cause? Do you have a creed you follow?"

Rey stared blankly at him. "Well…"

"You do. It's the way it is. And that was what I was offering you before. Freedom to create something different."

"But what is the point if there is no creed or cause?"

"We would create our own purpose."

She sighed. "Ben…"

"You love me."

"What?"

"You love me. Say it."

Rey began to shake. "I…"

"You feel it. You felt it when I suggested it last time we met. You know it's true. Say it."

"I…I can't."

"Are you so faithless?" he hissed the words. "Do you not trust your own heart?"

"No, I don't."

He stopped and stared at her for a moment. "Tell me where you are."

She felt defeated…"Jakku." She didn't want to fight and argue anymore.

"You went back to Jakku. Why?"

"To disappear. To become no one again."

"You're afraid."

"You already said that," she smiled meekly.

His jaw set. "I'm coming for you…"

"Ben…don't. Please. I want out. I don't want to fight anymore…"

"No fighting, Rey," he advanced. "No need to worry about that…" and he began to disappear.

"Ben!" and she found herself alone once more, yelling for someone who was not there.

* * *

It was midday when she finally went outside. She was worried. Worried that he'd find her.

Knew that he would.

And she was just waiting …waiting like a caged bird, staring at a cat.

Her heart would pound right out of her chest, she knew it.

What would she say to him? What would he say to her? Would she run away, or would she run toward him?

She had no idea.

Rey didn't like not knowing herself. She had always been so sure. Confident, at least marginally. But this whole episode…Ben challenging her. Her running away. It wasn't like her at all.

And she didn't trust herself anymore.

What would it mean to succumb to this temptation?

Rey closed her eyes as she walked to the watering hole again.

She couldn't think about that. And she couldn't think about what her heart was whispering so loudly in her ear.

Because to think about it made her want it.

And wanting it was bad, she knew.

But how…how could she reconcile this?

Rey began walking back to the abandoned ship that was her home.

It was funny, in an ironically sad way…her home was a broken down ship. No leaving.

She had tried, only to end up here again, in a much worse state than she had left it. She had gone to look for answers, only to find herself either disappointed in them or terrified of them.

What a mess.

Rey began up the small summit of sand, the heat pressing against her, making her head ache. But she was glad for it. She wanted to suffer.

She deserved it.

And she reached the top, where she reflexively looked at her ship.

…and maybe five hundred feet from the entrance was a tall, dark, figure, staring at the relic.

She stopped.

Ben.

And as if on cue, he looked up at her.

She stopped…and her skin prickled. Her hands dropped the buckets, though she had not the wherewithal to know that she had…

Rey waited there, with a quarter of a mile between them, and millions of grains of hot sand…and denials, and spars and some laughter…

And this connection that was impossible to deny.

He took a step toward her.

She could turn and run…

And another.

And she took a step.

His pace quickened…

….and she practically slid down the sand hill…

They were both in full tilt run…

And before long, they met, and he grabbed her shoulders, then cupped her face…

And he kissed her.

And she kissed him.

And it was cathartic.

…and wonderful…

Rey felt him, as though he was the only thing in the galaxy…his hands were everywhere at once…

And she clung to him, fearing a fall.

…but she already had.

He was guiding her, worshipping her, tongues mingled and muscles taut…back to her ship.

She was a drink he was savoring after a too long drought…and so many dances that ended in frustration…

He held her hand …pulling her toward him as he backed into her home.

"Ben," she said in a breath.

"Don't worry…I'm not going to do anything untoward."

"What's going on?" she touched his chest, kissed him again.

"We are talking."

"We always talk," she smiled.

He sat and pulled her next to him. "Yes, but we are entering a new phase," he kissed her cheek. "And what would you have us do, hm?" he smirked.

She pulled away. "Nothing," and she folded her hands on her lap.

"And we are pouting…?"

"No," she spat.

He smiled more broadly. "Rey…"

And her head fell in her hands. "You're right."

"First, you need to promise me that you're going to tell me the absolute truth."

She looked at him. "I won't answer questions about the Resistance."

He sat back, getting a full look at her. "I wouldn't ask about them, save perhaps my mother."

"Oh," she felt silly. "Then yes. I promise."

"Good," he nodded. "Do you love me?"

"I don't know."

She watched as he looked away and stood. "You're impossible."

"I'm being honest, just as you said."

"Then why do you continue to deny it? Your heart?" he turned and glared at her.

"Because I don't know, Ben. I really don't. I've never loved anyone before."

And he knelt before her, hands on her knees. "What do you feel now?"

"Ah…" she swallowed, looking into his eyes. "Exhilarated."

"And when we don't speak for a while, how do you feel?"

"I…I think about when we will speak again."

"Rey. Tell me how you feel…"

She felt her heart falling…racing…slowing…

…and then everything went black.


	9. Chapter 9

"Where's Rey?"

"Hello, Finn. How's Rose?" Leia was looking at some maps in the command center.

"Fine. Where's Rey?"

"She left."

He was incredulous. "Left? Left for where? When? Who's with her?"

And now Leia looked at him. "That's a lot of questions."

"Can you answer any of them? Maybe one?" he was exasperated.

"Finn…you are obviously a very passionate man. I wouldn't worry about Rey. She'll be back," she patted his hand and went back to work.

"This is ridiculous. How is it that I'm the only one who cares that someone is missing?"

"I care, Finn. But I'm not running from my feelings, trying to distract myself with other people's problems," Leia smiled. "Now, please find Poe and talk some sense to that Fly Boy. And when you're done, bring him to dinner. He needs to eat."

Finn rolled his eyes and left.

And Leia smiled. She knew that he was concerned about Rey, in a very genuine way. She also knew that he was avoiding something, for his preoccupation with Rey was beyond the pale.

…and something stirred within her deep…

Her son.

She fell gaunt and silent…

* * *

He laid her back gently before running outside…

…the ship was landing, it had temporarily blocked the sun's light.

It was a ship from the First Order. He felt a bit confused.

He disliked feeling thus.

The ship landed and Hux came out of the hanger. "Supreme Leader," he called.

"What are you doing here?" Ben demanded.

"Looking for you. We were at the base, and one of the generals said you were here, on Jakku. Naturally I didn't believe him," Hux smiled.

"If you didn't believe him, why did you come?"

"To discredit him."

"Coming here rather seems like an affirmation, doesn't it?" Ben stopped and asserted his height over Hux. He really despised the worm.

"Sir, is there a reason for this sojourn to this desert planet?"

"Of course there is, but that is no concern of yours. I'll be heading back to the base soon…" he turned. "Get back to work," he began to walk back to the ship, when he saw Rey standing in the doorway. She had broken free of his momentary black sleep. He was not surprised, she was formidable with the Force.

But Rey's look was not just one of surprise…

She was angry.

Ben smiled, approaching her. "You're upset."

She glared. "You think so?"

"Sir…who is?"

"She's my guest, General Hux," and Ben turned to him. "This is Rey. She'll be joining us back at the base."

"I'm not going," Rey sounded vexed. "What makes you think I'd go anywhere with you?"

"Not a terribly excited guest," Hux mused.

Ben's face hardened. "Go to the ship. I'll be there momentarily."

Hux looked from Ben to Rey and back again, then turned and went to the ship.

…and Ben turned back to Rey after watching Hux leave. "You'll need to come with me."

"I won't."

"Why? Why must you make this so difficult?"

"Why do you want me to go? Why did you…" she paused, searching for words. "Put that spell on me?"

"Because I wasn't sure who was coming. I saw the light go dim, and knew it was a ship. And I knew you'd protest," he smiled. "So I avoided that."

"See? Those are the things that make people angry," she pointed at him.

"Come with me, Rey," he stepped toward her.

She stepped back. "I'm staying."

He rolled his eyes and waved his hand; and Rey collapsed in his arms.

Ben carried her onto the ship, lifeless in his arms.

* * *

When she woke she was in a dark room. Her head felt funny…like she had been asleep for a long time. "Hello?" she said, sitting up.

No answer.

She had been covered with a soft blanket, and the bed she was on was very comfortable. Rey looked around her.

It was a smallish room…there was but little furniture. One window…

She went over to it.

Snow. Everywhere…

She heard a door open and she turned.  
There was Ben.

"You're awake."

"You did it again…?" she hissed, advancing on him. "How could you? Where are we?" she gesticulated.

"We are on Crait," and he sat down. "In the command center of the First Order."

"Oh my god."

"Are you disappointed?"

"How could you do this Ben? After everything we talked about on Jakku?"

"I wasn't going to lose you. I needed you to be near and safe," he folded his hands. "This was the most expedient way of ensuring both things."

"You already lost me."

"What do you mean? You're here," he stated, as though obvious.

"I can't love someone who doesn't listen to me…who doesn't respect me…"

"We needed to go, Rey. There and then. There was no time to verbally spar."

She laughed a touch, shaking her head. "Take me back."

"Back where?"

"To Jakku."

"I can't do that. And why would you want to?"

"It's my home," she folded her arms in front of her.

"I don't think so. You didn't hesitate to leave it before…it's not terribly pretty. Hot. Untrustworthy people all over…"

"Like here, you mean?"

He smiled. "If you insist…"

"I'm not staying here," she was adamant.

Ben studied her for a moment, then slapped his hands on his knees. "Give me a week. And if you still want to leave, I'll bring you back to Jakku. I'll never bother you again."

"Five days."

He smiled more broadly. "Five days. It'll be like our debates, except this time, we are face to face…and able to …" he reached his arm out, almost touching her. "…touch, if we like."

Rey stepped back. "Mm. Five days," and she sat on the bed. "Am I a prisoner?"

"No, of course not. You can go anywhere you like…as long as you stay on Crait, and don't speak to the Resistance."

"Rules," she muttered.

"Well, yes. I have rules here, too."

"What are your rules?"

"I am in control, Rey. I'm the Supreme Leader. I follow the most rules."

She laughed. "I'm not speaking to the Resistance."

"Because you're a deserter."

Rey resented the word. "No." Then…"Maybe."

He nodded. "Just don't leave until the five days are up, all right?"

She shrugged.

He walked over to her, and she shrunk in her seat. "Don't be afraid. I just wanted to tell you that dinner will be ready soon…"

Rey nodded. "Thank you," but sounded insincere.

…and Ben left.

Why did she believe him? He had fooled her. Made her come here against her will.

He was a monster.

She held her head in her hands. Five days. Five…she could manage. And then, even if he protests, she would leave and never speak to him again.

* * *

Ben walked down the hall toward the mouth of the center…the mine. He was going to have it out with Hux.

This man was out of control…taking a ship to Jakku to look for _him_. He was the Supreme Leader. He would not abide insubordination.

"General Hux," he called. "Join me," and he walked passed him, Hux in his wake.

"What can I help you with, Supreme Leader?"

"Why did you follow me to Jakku?" his strides were long.

"I was making certain that everything was all right. You left without word…"

Ben turned on him. "And that is my prerogative, as your Leader, to go to Jakku without a babysitter."

Hux nodded stiffly. "Why is that girl here?"

"I don't need to answer to you," Ben's voice was elevated. "I don't need to answer to anyone," he heaved. "Now…what news from Nal Hutta?"

A look stole across his face before answering, not unnoticed by Ben. "They were uninterested. I found only a few there who even knew what the First Order is. They didn't believe us when we told them who we were."

Ben examined him…he summoned the Force to ascertain a lie. There was something there…Hux was not being completely forthright. "Is that all?"

"Of course, Supreme Leader."

Ben turned away. "See that dinner is ready soon, and have it served for two in the room adjacent to mine," he walked away, not seeing the scowl on the face of his topmost general.

* * *

Rey was sitting on her bed, eyes closed, holding herself. She was trying to determine what she was going to do…she honestly didn't know.

She _was_ a prisoner here, no matter what Ben said. At least for five days.

Rey could try to continue her mission when she was on Voss…try to turn him.

She could try to escape.

Without opening her eyes, she pulled her legs up and sat cross legged, hands on knees…

…she was summoning the Force…

She was trying to ask someone…anyone…what she should do.

There was nothing. Nothing …not that she expected anything…

"What are you doing?"

She opened her eyes to see Ben in her doorway, looking …

She couldn't determine the look. It was fraught, and something else. "Thinking," she said. standing up.

She watched him swallow. "Dinner's ready, if you're hungry."

Rey nodded, then followed him out the door.

They walked deeper into the mine, and Rey noticed that though it hadn't been that long, the First Order had been quite busy. Her room was in the front…they had built a platform with various rooms against the repaired metal door…and somehow, acquired heat, since she wasn't cold at all.

Ben led her along a catwalk, while hundreds of people worked on building up the mine to a structure worthy of the First Order.

"You've been busy," Rey observed.

"Well, we needed to create a more permanent command center. I never understood why we insisted on keeping our heart of command on a ship."

"But you still have large ships?"

"Of course," he looked back at her.

She looked away, as they descended some stairs. They were past the workers now, and heading into a dark heart of the mine.

He slowed his pace to walk next to her. "We discovered how you escaped."

"I'd hope so."

"You levitated those rocks."

She didn't answer.

He opened a door for her, and she walked in.

It was a room without natural light…nothing could penetrate so deeply into the place…rock walls and smoothed out floors …and small, soft, lights. Rey looked around. She liked it, despite herself.

There was a small table in the middle. Ben sat down and gestured for her to sit across from him. "There isn't much in terms of real food on Crait, so we need to make do."

Rey nodded, and sat.

"How's my mother?" he asked after a bite.

Her eyes snapped to his. "She's…she's fine," her answer was stunted and lacked conviction.

"I believed that she had died in the attack."

"No. I'd heard that she used the Force to get back to the ship after the explosion. People said it was something to see."

Ben sat back. "She never was much for utilizing the Force…I never knew if it was because she lacked the power, or if she resented it somehow."

"I don't think that using the Force is about individual power, Ben. It's about understanding."

He smirked. "Should this be our next topic?"

"Are we still doing that?"

"Why not? We have five whole days. And you didn't seem like you were finished teaching me," he added sardonically.

"No need to make fun," Rey said softly.

"I only meant…" he paused, studying her slumped head. "Tell me what you're afraid of."

"I'm not sure," she answered honestly.

"But you are."

She looked at him. "Yes…but probably not as much as you think, nor about what you think."

"How do you know what I think?"

"You think that I'm afraid of you."

"No…I think you're afraid of yourself."

She swallowed. "I can't be certain of that."

"I can," he said softly.

She shifted, wanting to leave. "You said that I'm not a prisoner."

Ben sat back. "That's true. You aren't…and you have but two rules to follow."

"Don't speak to the Resistance and don't leave Crait. For five days."

He nodded. "Do you think you can manage that?" he smiled.

"But it does seem like I'm a prisoner…what if I wanted to take a walk by myself?"

"You can. Absolutely," he paused. "I trust you."

"Outside?"

"I think that you'll find the conditions unsuitable for a walk, but if you must, please. Go ahead."

Rey cocked her head. "Why do you trust me? I'm on the other side."

"Because," he leaned in a bit. "If I love you, then I need to trust you, or else it is false."

Her mouth went dry. "All right."

"Do you love me, Rey?"

She stared at him. "I need to go," and she stood.

He nodded. "I'll see you tomorrow," he replied, without standing up.

…and she hurried from the room, up the stairs, and back down the catwalk to her room.

She arrived in a pant.

* * *

And he sat back…anger and frustration were difficult to keep at bay. But if he was to win her over, he'd need to.

Ben left the food mostly untouched, and went into his bedroom…

And sleep was fraught.


	10. Chapter 10

Day One

He had slept quite badly; he felt it in his bones. He was constantly waking up, thinking it was morning.

And it never was.

Finally, Ben got up, sick of trying to sleep.

He walked around the mine, some of the workers still at it.

He looked up at the room Rey was sleeping. He paused for the briefest of seconds, then walked into the command center.

Ben sat in a chair in front of a map of the galaxy. He had been surprised at the news concerning Nal Hutta. Perhaps Hux had not made a favorable impression.

And he thought a moment.

Of course Hux hadn't made a good impression. He was unsavory, to be kind.

And Ben wasn't kind.

He wondered a bit at the general…"You," he said to one of the men. "What did you hear about the trip to Nal Hutta?"

"Not much, Supreme Leader," he said in a shaky voice.

"No? Was General Hux not persuasive?"

"He only spoke to one person, as I heard."

Ben's face froze. "Just one?"

"That was the report that I heard."

His mind began to race…he had spoken with one person. One.

This was not a mission that had been approved…he was there on his own mission. His own purpose. And no general should have a purpose independent of the Supreme Ruler's…

He would confront Hux in a while. He would need to think about how to do this, in order to avoid rousing suspicion in the worm.

Ben stood. "Thank you. I'm going out…if anyone needs me, I'll be back in an hour," and he left.

He pulled on his fur cloak…then went outside. He thought of Leia as he walked along the perimeter of the mine. He wondered if she knew he was alive. Wondered what she was doing. Wondered if she was now using Force power. And thought about why she had always been so hesitant to use it before …

Was it because of her father? Darth Vader? Was she concerned that she'd end up like him?

He thought it was reasonable to think that. Her brother was as self indulgent and self obsessed as Darth Vader.

Ben stopped.

He looked to the sky. He had once believed that he wanted to be like his grandfather. Believed that he was the person he could look to for guidance.

Now he saw him as nothing but a slave.

And he continued his walk.

Yes. Darth Vader never thought for himself. First Annakin was a slave to his grandmother and her love. Then to Palpatine. He never considered the consequences of his actions. He always needed to believe in something …something other than himself.

He must have hated himself.

Ben understood that to a degree. He had had his share of self loathing.

That was in his past. He was going to be his own person, free of any ties or obligations…

Except one.

One tie.

He stopped again, looking up.

And Rey was walking toward him. "Morning Ben," she said as she approached him.

"Sleep well?"

"Not really," her breath misted in front of her.

"I see you found a warm cloak," he nodded to her.

"It's nice," she smiled.

His head fell. "Are you heading back in, then?"

"No…I had no fixed destination."

"Would you join me?" he smiled at her now.

Rey shrugged, noncommittal…but turned to walk with him.

He slowed his pace a touch. "And so you did not sleep well? Was it cold?"

"No."

"Was the bed uncomfortable?"

"Not at all."

"Then…"

"My mind was full and I couldn't stop it from going," she answered.

"Well, I want you to rest well, as you're my guest. If there's anything that I can do…"

She stopped. "No. Because the one thing I want, you won't do. Yet," she finished by looking at him.

"I gave you my word, and I shall keep it."

"You're a Sith. They lie," her mouth was a thin line.

"I'm no Sith," he turned, fully facing her now. "Nor am I a Jedi. I'm something new."

"Oh? Just like that?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact. I'm forging my own path."

She smiled. "What do you mean by that?"

Ben began to walk again, and Rey followed next to him. "I'm going to build the First Order into an empire with assets, not just might. People need things. They need to eat. We shall provide protection and food."

"Oh? So you're philanthropists?"

He laughed. "No no. We will be paid for our services. But being a mere killing machine won't yield power. Units do, though."

"I don't think that Snoke was much interested in currency."

"That was his first mistake."

"But every planet has its own currency. Its own banks and ways to trade…"

"And our job will be to unite them all under our currency. And everyone will be free…we will provide safety for our allies. We have many weapons…it's time the First Order became something other than an extension of the Empire of old. It's time that we evolved."

Rey nodded. "What happens to those who refuse your offer?"

"I haven't decided."

"Mm…"

"Well. Something should happen. I just don't know what yet."

"I can only imagine," there was a smile in her voice.

He looked over at her. "What?"

"Nothing. I'm impressed. If you are sincere, and if your plans don't involve killing dissenters, then I am impressed with you. Can't say that I necessarily agree with it all, but it is something different," she paused. "Do all of your generals agree with your plans?"

"They don't know all of them," he decided that he wanted to stop this vein of conversation. "What was our topic again?"

"The Force," her voice seemed suddenly small.

"Ah yes. The Force. You seem to think it's about some sort of understanding. I say it's a power one wields."

They had walked all the way to the very edge of the mine. Rey stopped walking. She looked out into the snowy expanse of Crait…the sky was peach and pink…morning had broken. She breathed…and she felt the energy of the Force in between her very cells…"Close your eyes Ben."

He sighed softly. "Why?"

"Do it."

He smiled a bit, then complied.

Rey walked in front of him…she was looking at his face…she lowered the hood on her cloak and took her finger out from beneath it…she began to trace her finger ever so gently across his chest. "The Force…" she began. "Is like the air that you breathe…it becomes part of you, in you, until you exhale it back out into the world. And it's slightly different afterwards. Warmer…" she took her hand back, and began to walk around him. "The Force is time, eating away at everything, and giving birth to it all again. It is in constant motion. And those who harness it can use the motion …convert it into their own energy…" she stepped back, giving him space. "It's part of all of us, Ben. Open your eyes…"

And he did, and Rey was silhouetted against the dawn, she was a shadow. And she was levitating the sand so that it was a white globe around her. And she dropped her arms, and the sand fell.

"Lovely," he said. "But it's not. It's power. And those who know how to use it are the ultimate victors."

"Of who?"

"Over themselves," and Ben, in a fluid motion, swept sand from the ground, its red underbelly mixing with the white, and he created a swirling, angry cloud above him. And then he pushed it all together, a tight cylinder, and sent it crashing to the ground.

"You think that you're better than the snow."

"Well…I'm more intelligent, yes."

"No. You're superior. You think that you are more important than the sand with its jeweled redness. You're not," she walked toward him. "You are the sand, Ben," and she looked into his eyes. "I am the sand. And the sunrise…we all are."

His brow furrowed. He didn't know if she was serious…

"I'm serious," she smiled.

And he took a step back. Was she inside his thoughts?

"Don't," she held out her hand. "I'm sorry."

"This is all very strange…almost like a dream…"

"Well, since neither of us slept well, I can see why you think that."

He shook his head, then took her hand. "Energy, hm?" he smiled.

"Energy…" she said softly. "Like that…"

And he felt it, the moment they touched…almost as though he had been scorched…"Are you doing that?"

"No," Rey swallowed.

He looked at her, unsure, and tensed…it was as though …he couldn't think what it was like…but he simultaneously wanted it to end as much as he wanted to never let go…

…and she did first.

He pulled away from her, and looked at his gloved hand.

It was glowing red through the glove. He looked up at Rey who was holding her own hand. "We should get back."

She nodded, falling into step next to him. "What are you doing today?" she asked.

"I'm meeting with Hux. And then going over some maps. And then," he looked over. "I'm spending time with you, if that's agreeable."

"Of course."

They entered the mine, and Rey watched as he left her by the stairwell to go into the center. She went upstairs and took off her cloak.

She hadn't thought that them touching hands would be such a powerful thing…they had kissed, after all. Nothing like that had happened.

Rey sat on her bed. She was wondering what Ben was talking to Hux about. Feeling bored, she went out into the catwalk…

And there they were.

Ben seemed angry.

Hux was penitent.

She could hear the suppressed rage in Ben's voice…but couldn't really tell what he was saying.

And he left Hux there, turning away.

And Hux looked up at Rey, a look on his face of pure loathing.

She backed away, back into her room.

She wasn't afraid of Hux…but then, she had only one friend here, and he was…

Well. The enemy.

Rey was not keen on developing more outright enemies of the First Order, at least none that could positively identify her.

And Hux knew where she lived.

This was beginning to get worrisome. She'd need to be careful.

Rey sat on the chair Ben had occupied the day before and she looked around. Maybe she'd ask for some books, though it was doubtful they had any.

Asking couldn't hurt, though.

She sighed. And part of her was scared that she wanted to see Ben.

Rey dismissed her worry…he was her only friend here. He was the only one she talked to. Of course she'd miss him when she was alone.

…and her mind wandered to Jakku…where they'd kissed.

It had been as though they were supposed to be there, together. It felt …not right. But familiar.

And she wondered what would have happened if he hadn't stopped and wanted to talk.

Rey shivered a bit.

* * *

"I'm sorry I took so long."

She opened her eyes and saw Ben in her doorway. "What time is it?"

"Long past midday."

"Really?" she got up and looked out. The light was quite different now…the planet's sun was high above the mine. She looked at Ben. "I lost my time."

He smiled slightly. "I know that you are supposed to be teaching me, but I thought that I might teach you some of what I know."

"About what?"

"All sorts of things," he walked into her room, and sat on her bed, the only other place where he could sit. "Are you ever angry, Rey?"

"Of course."

"What about?"

"About…things. The First Order. My parents. The unfairness of the galaxy."

He nodded. "What about things that were done to you?"

"I guess…some things. I wish I hadn't been so lonesome. I wish you hadn't killed Han Solo. I wish that …" she swallowed. "These things make me angry sometimes."

He looked at his booted feet. "You regard my parents as surrogates for your own who abandoned you."

"No. But they are nice people. They were wise and I was able to talk to them."

And he looked back at her. "They were disappointing. They were not happy with who I was…and they sought to change me."

"How?"

"By sending me away. By putting me in the hands of a man who only wanted his own gain and glory."

"Luke was a confused person," she offered, sitting forward. "What he did was indefensible. But your parents saw what was inside of you, and they wanted you to have a teacher."

"They weren't terribly smart to send me away."

"At least you had parents."

He stood. Then sat again, regaining himself.

Rey felt his unease. "Ben…I know that it hurts."

"You don't know."

"Well, I too was abandoned and left to raise myself in a desert. I know how it feels to want something so badly…and yet it never happens. You wanted the love of your parents. I wanted my parents to come back for me."

He looked at her. "No one has ever loved me," and he said this without emotion…as though he didn't care. He was stating a mere fact. "Do you love me, Rey?"

"Your mother loves you…I know that," she deflected.

"Do you?"

Rey stood and went to him.

He was looking up at her.

And she wrapped her arms around him, pressing his cheek into her stomach, and rubbing his head softly.

"Is it dinner soon? I haven't eaten all day," she said.

He pulled away, not looking at her, and stood as she took a step back. She watched him swallow. "I'll see to it. Dinner will be in the same place as yesterday," and he left.

* * *

Not long after, Rey walked down to the room he had led her to the day previous. She was starving.

And Ben was at the table, staring at it, when she walked in.

He looked up at her and nodded.

She took the seat opposite him and served some sort of soup to herself. "Are you hungry?"

"I am."

"Aren't you going to eat?"

He nodded, and then took some food. "Why won't you answer me? If you don't love me, then just say it."

"And what if I said that? What would you do?"

He looked at her…steady…"Nothing. Take you back to Jakku."

"Liar."

He looked away. "Why would you think that? Have I ever lied to you?"

"I don't know."

"I haven't. And it hurts to know that you think I would."

"Why wouldn't you?" she put her spoon down. "You often act in your own interests. It's difficult to trust you, and I need to protect myself."

"Where others are concerned. Not you."

She shook her head…"I don't know, Ben. I'm so confused."

He stood.

She swallowed.

He went over to her…pulled her chair around so that she faced him, and knelt before her. "I love you," he kissed her cheek. "I'm trying to prove myself to you…" he kissed her other cheek. "Tell me what to do…" he kissed her mouth softly.

Rey's breath had stopped. She touched his face. "I don't know…Ben…I understand."

He cupped her face. "Anyone else would be dead by now."

"That's not the sort of thing I want to hear."

He smiled. He looked at her mouth. And he kissed her again…and Rey kissed him back, despite herself.

He moved away in a slight pant. He stood and went back to his seat…he seemed to be trying to regain himself. "What shall we discuss tomorrow?"

She looked at him. "Hatred."


	11. Chapter 11

Day Two

Rey woke and forgot for a moment where she was.

She had been on Ahch-To…and it was night. She had dove into the dark pool willingly…longingly…with heavy anticipation.

And Ben was there on the shore when she rose above the waters. He held his hand out to her. And she was about to reach for it, but she turned and swam away.

And she woke.

She knew what it meant.

She was driven to him…to the dark, even…but she was resisting it.

She wondered how long this could last. If she would be able to continue this for much longer.

And she wasn't sure which side she'd end up on…

Rey got up. What she wanted was to meet him half way. She wanted to admit that she had some dark, and he had some light, and they could…

Could what? What was her endgame here?

She got up and got dressed.

And she went out onto the catwalk, and looked down. Ben was there already.

What _did_ she want?

…he looked up and saw her. He stood and left the center of command, walking up the stairs to her.

She felt her palms sweat…she felt her heart pounding…

He was a foot in front of her, and she wasn't looking at him.

"It's good to see you," he said.

Rey nodded.

"Are you prepared to discuss the topic you chose?"

She looked at him now. "Yes."

"Good…first, however, are you at all hungry?"

"No. Not even a bit."

"Where would you care to go?"

She considered this. "In the heart of the place."

He nodded, a quizzical look on his face. "After you," and he motioned for her to lead the way.

They walked without speaking. And without Rey knowing what she was doing, exactly. She was acting on what her gut was telling her.

They arrived and she turned to him in the dark center of the mine. "Hatred."

He nodded.

"What do you hate, Ben?"

He shifted his weight. "I…" his voice sounded far away. "I hate weakness."

"In yourself, or other people?"

He paused. "Myself mostly."

She began to pace a bit. "What else?"

"Disloyalty."

"Again, in yourself or others?"

"Others."

"Whom do you hate?"

He cleared his throat. "Many people…"

"Luke."

"Yes."

"Han Solo."

"If you like."

"Do you believe that hatred is the opposite of love, Ben?"

She watched him shrug. "Perhaps?" he offered.

"It's not."

"Then what?"

She took a step forward. "Indifference. Apathy. You care about these men enough to hate them."

"I think you're reaching," he said, a smile in his voice. "Do you hate anyone?"

"No."

"Then you shouldn't claim any expertise on it," and he turned away from her. "Snoke may not have been the master I needed, but he did allow me to channel my hatred and disappointment. He showed me how to focus and hone my power…"

"Hate is not a power. It's a weakness."

"I wouldn't be so sure…" he turned back to her. "It is a powerful thing."

She walked to him, close now…she placed her hand to his chest. "Close your eyes…"

He did without thinking twice.

…and so did Rey…

"I see you…you're a child…" she began. "…Your mother is with you, and you are strong with the Force…and you are happy…she's hugging you and it's cold out…and your father…he's teaching you how to hold your lightsaber, even though you're still so young…and you're at the Temple…Luke is there…he's proud of you…and your mother…she's kissing your forehead…"

He stepped back, breathing heavy. He swallowed…she was watching him.

"There is love in you, Ben."

He couldn't speak.

"There is light."

"Why did we come here, in the middle of the mine?"

"To show you. To show that even when it's most dark, there can be light…" and she stepped closer and kissed his cheek. She stepped back again and smiled. "I see you."

He shook his head and turned away, leaving her there.

She was alone.

But she wasn't afraid…and she thought that this was her chance. She could escape. The place that she had moved the rocks was not far…she could feel the slight movement of air coming from her left.

She could escape.

Rey walked to her left…about a quarter of a mile through a smaller cavern…and there was the wall of rock. She held her hand out testing them…seeing if they were lodged in tight.

They weren't. They had been haphazardly placed back.

She breathed heavy.

It would be so very easy…

* * *

Ben was tense. He didn't like Rey going over his past …his private happy moments that he had fought to forget. These thoughts only gave him pain.

He had enough pain.

He almost resented her. Almost.

But he knew what she was trying to do, and he couldn't blame her. Not when he was basically forcing her to stay here.

She wanted him to turn as much as he wanted her to…

He was in his room following their interlude. He was shaking slightly and massively confused. The feelings that he was experiencing as a result of Rey's meddling…

No. He would check his anger.

And he laid on the bed…falling asleep.

* * *

"Supreme Leader!" a loud knocking was heard. He sat up in a panic, forgetting who he was; he was the Supreme Leader. He needed to answer the call.

Ben stood and opened the door. "What is it?"

"General Hux, sir. He wants to see you immediately."

He was irritated at the demanding sound of the request. "I'll be there directly," and he closed the door. He rubbed his face and left.

Long strides down the massive rocked expanse, he attempted to keep focus…and the memory of him destroying things when he was disappointed in something. His helmet. He had destroyed it when Snoke had poked fun of him.

He did not take criticism well.

He walked into the command center. "Hux. You wanted to see me?"

"Supreme Leader…I'm afraid that while you've been …hosting," he paused for effect. "…the Resistance has been sniffing about for us. I received word from Nal Hutta. They heard from one of their merchants that people from the Resistance are looking for the First Order, since they've all but disappeared."

"Why should this concern me?"

"Pardon me, sir," he smiled. "But they're looking for us. Would you ignore this?"

"We are doing no harm. They have nothing on us."

"They are looking for us. They are looking to destroy us. And while you're holed away with your Resistance girl…"

Ben advanced on him. "Watch what you say. Mind yourself, Hux."

"While you are entertaining your guest," he amended. "The Resistance is fast on our heels."

Ben began to circle him. "We are redefining what the First Order is. Let the Resistance find us. Perhaps they'd care to join…" and he stopped in front of him. "I have no disquiet about this news. The Resistance cares about our ability to destroy planets. We are only doing business."

Hux lifted his chin. "As you like, Supreme Leader."

"Is that all?"

He nodded.

"I appreciate your concern. But in the future…I'd say that I know what I'm doing," and he turned, and left.

And Hux watched him with contempt.

Ben walked up to the catwalk and toward Rey's room. He knocked on the door…

There was no answer.

He knocked again.

Nothing.

He opened the door…

She wasn't there.

Ben felt a sense of dread and worry…he walked in and looked around to see if she had packed anything.

No…it didn't seem like it.

He swallowed.

"Ben?"

And he turned to see her there. "Where were you?"

"I went for a walk."

He nodded, regaining himself. She was still there…"How was it?"

"Good. Are you all right?"

"Fine," he smiled. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"That was an intense talk earlier."

"Yes…"

"So, I just want to know that you're all right. And that you know why I did what I did."

He smiled at her. "I think I know."

"Do you?"

"You wanted me to see that I had people who cared about me."

"No," Rey walked into the room. "I wanted you to see that you care."

"Care? What about?"

She smiled. "About so much, Ben. You are a deeply passionate person who's been let down by those who aren't as passionate as you are."

He swallowed. "That's a gross simplification."

"I think it's pretty spot on. And I think that you know it. And that's why it hurts so badly…"

He felt heat rising from his neck…"I'm not hurt that badly."

"It's all right. I understand. But your hatred, Ben…it's there because you care so much."

He was deeply uncomfortable. He shifted. He rather wanted her to stop.

"Sorry," she said, recognizing his reticence. "I'm starting to like your planet here. It's lovely."

"Yes…" he replied amid distraction. "I hadn't thought about it that much, though."

"We could walk around a bit."

"No," he looked at her and advanced to the door. "No…I think it's best if I stay here."

"Why? What's happened?"

He swallowed. "Nothing," and he regained himself. "Nothing you need to worry about."

"Something has happened. I see it."

He considered her a moment. "Have you been in touch with the Resistance?"

"No!" she replied, aghast. "I promised you I wouldn't."

He nodded. "Where did you take your walk?"

"I…" she dropped her gaze. "I went through the rocks in the mine. Where the Resistance escaped before. I moved them, then put them back to keep out the cold."

And Ben seemed satisfied with that answer. "Promise me that you didn't speak to them," he was thinking of the leaks to Nal Hutta that Hux had referenced.

"I already did. But I'll promise you again if it makes you feel better."

"Thank you."

She smiled, shifted. "So…do you have any books around?"

"Books?" his eyes found hers. It was an unexpected request.

"Yeah. You know. Words. Stories. That stuff?"

"I can have some brought here. But I honestly don't know if you'd care for anything that we have…" he paused. "I can have someone send word to one of our Outer Rim ships to pick something up somewhere."

"How long will that take?"

"Mm…maybe a day or so."

She thought that he was distracted. He seemed as though he was only partially paying attention. "That sounds good. Do you want to talk later at dinner? You seem like you want to go."

He nodded. "Forgive me. I'll see you at dinner," and he left.

Rey was left there. She had been so close…she had stood, looking at the massive yard of ships, waiting to be used. She could have gone into any one of them and left.

But he would have found her eventually, she was sure.

And Rey still believed that Ben's turning would save the galaxy from tyranny. Or perhaps her turning to the Dark Side would solidify its doom.

She couldn't say.

But she didn't want to leave, she decided, after all.

She wanted to remain there for as long as she had said she would, and see what she could do. Do for Ben.

Before it was too late and he was lost forever.

* * *

She walked into the room they ate their dinners in.

Ben was standing behind his chair. He looked at her and smiled, motioning her to sit.

Rey took her seat across from him and sipped some water. "How are you?"

He sat. "Fine."

"That's good," and she scooped out some food.

"Do you love me, Rey?"

She met his eyes. "What would you like the next topic to be?"

He sighed a soft sigh. He cleared his throat, and looked around the room at everything but her. "Fate."


	12. Chapter 12

Day Three

He had held fast to the belief forever…or at least…for as long as he could remember…that he had a destiny.

And he had a destiny that would change things. He would be important somehow.

And now, when he thought about it, he wasn't all that important.

And he probably never would be.

Ben wasn't as concerned about this as he thought he might.

He was staring outside of the mine…the heavy, massive door slightly open. And he was thinking.

He had hated his father. He tried to deny it, but to no avail. He hated his mother for not listening to him when he begged her not to make him go. He wanted to stay with her and live on Chandrila …

But she wouldn't. And he resented it.

Ben swallowed, lost in his thoughts. The conversation yesterday had made him uncomfortable…he'd be lying if he said otherwise. It made him reconsider his hatred…for she had minimized it and made it almost ridiculous. She had reduced it to childish preoccupation.

And had he not loved her, he might have expelled her into the frozen desert of Crait.

As it was, he did not, choosing instead to remain silent and leave her there.

…and now he stood there, looking out into the expanse.

And he felt small.

He lowered his gaze and nodded to the man behind him to lower the iron gate.

He had been so comfortable, he thought, as he turned back into the mine, with his contempt. He had been hurt, and he was bittered and hardened like the clay of the mine.

In fact, the mine could be an excellent allegory for himself. Isolated and remote…dark at the center…

He smiled as he went to the command center.

"Good morning, Supreme Leader," Hux nodded. "We have word from the Mid Rim region that some on Naboo are privy to our position. They might send spies or convoys."

"Well, if they do, we have been alerted to their arrival," Ben opened a map and began to flip through some of the planets.

"Sir, surely you must see the danger we are in by staying put. Shouldn't we exit this ice block and gain a vantage point closer to the center?"

"What for? We are not in military mode," he looked at him. "We are trading and are in business."

"But we are at risk!"

"Hux, have I not given you the First Order's new purpose? We are not planet destroyers. We are not simply going to snuff out everyone who might disagree with us. They are all potential customers," he advanced on Hux. "Why should Canto Bight continue to reap all of the rewards from this conflict? They are sitting there, playing both sides, while we willingly continue to pay. We have more than enough fire power," and he turned away. "It's time that we used some of our might for more than death. We can protect our allies and lose precious little in the meantime," he finished. "Was that all?"

Hux nodded and left him there, an indiscernible expression on his face.

Ben chuckled a touch. Hux was such a foolish man. Of course Ben hadn't left them completely defenseless, but he was not prepared to go to a ship, take flight to who knows where…it was simply insupportable.

He slumped into a chair and sighed. "Do you have a family?" he asked the other man in the room.

"Oh!" he was startled at Ben speaking to him. "Ah…yes. I do."

Ben looked at him now. "A wife? Children?"

"Yes…but only one child. A boy."

"You've left him alone?"

"No Supreme Leader. He's with my wife. But I have a job to do. So I needed to follow the First Order."

"You have no alliance to the cause?" he sat forward.

"Well, yes…"

"Answer honestly."

The man cleared his throat. "Well. I send money back home. They need to eat…"

Ben nodded. "Of course," he stood now. "After tomorrow, I want you to visit your family."

"Sir? Am I being dismissed?"

"No. You'll have your pay. But take a week and visit them. Your son, no doubt, misses you," and he left.

He felt good about that. It made up somewhat for Han Solo's neglect…and also put it into some perspective.

Perhaps he had wanted to take care of him and Leia…and Leia, being a Princess, and headstrong at that, didn't require such things.

He wondered idly if he would feel as though he needed to take care of Rey.

And he thought of her.

Fate today.

* * *

He waited until it was midday before he went to find her.

And she was reading in her room.

Ben opened the door slowly…

And she looked up at him.

"I see you were brought some books."

Rey smiled and nodded. "Have a seat."

He sheepishly looked around before he did. "Are you ready?"

"Yes."

He sat back. "Well, I suppose here is as good a place as any."

"Oh?" she raised her eyebrows. "You don't want to move to another place?"

"Not unless you do." He watched as she looked around.

"No. This is fine."

"So. Today we discuss fate."

Rey nodded.

"Do you believe in fate, Rey?"

She sighed and put her elbows on her knees. "I'm not sure. It seems like there are things that could be fated…but then, it could be chance and we just say that it's fate to make ourselves feel better."

He didn't say anything.

…so she continued. "The Empire held onto a strong belief in fate…it seemed like Snoke did, too. He talked about your destiny and everything."

"He did," Ben nodded.

"Well? What do you believe?"

"Fate is not an easy thing to define. Sometimes I think that there is nothing so sure as what I'm doing then and there. And sometimes I think that nothing is fated. That it's all left to chance."

"So you don't feel strongly?"

"Not really."

She smiled. "Neither do I…but you do act like you think that we are fated somehow."

"We?" he returned her smile.

"You and I," Rey rolled her eyes. "Though I'm not sure what we are fated to do, exactly."

Ben shifted. "I have some general ideas."

She felt flush and sat back. "What would it mean if everything was fated?"

"I imagine it would mean that you could take comfort in your choices, because you had no choice."

"Is that comforting?"

"It sheds you of responsibility."

"True, but that's also rather terrifying."

"Everything is terrifying. Or at least, everything has the possibility of being terrifying."

She nodded. "So does fate make you feel better about your life, or worse?"

He looked out of the small window and thought a moment. He had always been so silly and even childish about his wants. He would throw tantrums, convinced as he was that he had some cosmic purpose, or destiny, and everyone was in his way.

And he killed his master.

And he attempted to kill another of his masters.

And what had he to show for it?

He was the Supreme Leader…

And he loved the woman sitting opposite him.

But she did not love him back.

And his empire…the First Order…they were uninspired by his rule.

"…Ben?"

His gaze snapped to hers. "Worse," and he sat back, recollecting himself. "I feel much worse about things."

"Why?"

"Because what I have is insufficient, and the likelihood of me obtaining them grows ever smaller…which means that my fate is not what I thought it was. And that makes me feel pretty awful."

She looked at her hands. "When we kissed…on Jakku…I felt as though I was…" she shook her head. "Complete, or something. It felt very right, until it didn't. And I had forgotten who I was. And who you were…and it frightened me."

"What do you mean, Rey?" he felt his heart beating very fast…either from dread or anticipation.

"It was a feeling of utter correctness, if you weren't Kylo Ren."

"You call me Ben," he said softly.

Rey nodded. "But that doesn't mean that you are. You are Kylo Ren…to everyone. And I can't ignore that. No matter how I may want to."

"Are you saying that you can't love me?" his voice cracked a touch.

"No. I'm saying that I can't love Kylo Ren."

His eyes welled, and he swallowed the emotion that was rising in his throat. "We are opposing forces. But we are connected. You cannot deny that."

"We broke Annakin's lightsaber through our combined will. I won't deny that connection."

He sighed, and leaned over, putting his hands on his knees. "You want me to be someone who I'm not."

And Rey slid off of her chair and knelt before him. "I want you to become the person you are."

"What if he's dead?"

…she looked into the dark sepia eyes…nearly black…she had believed without a doubt that he was there. Ben Solo was there. She saw him, numerous times. And she wondered blandly if there would always be this attraction to him, even if he wasn't Kylo Ren. And she then knew that there would be. "He's asleep. I've seen him, though. And he's lovely," she smiled and stood.

He stood and walked around her to the tiny window. "You think you've seen something. But I know that you're mistaken. And it concerns me that you believe yourself capable of loving me only if I'm something I'm not."

"I love who you can be."

"It's the same thing," he turned to her.

"It's not…and I know that you will be Ben again…you've already begun."

"Everyone wants me to be something that I'm not. Why must I be someone else for anyone to care?"

This stopped her.

"I may be ambivalent about fate, Rey. But I know when something is hopeless…" he went over to her and took her shoulders in his hands. "Do you love me, as I am?"

She held his gaze. She looked at his mouth and then back again. She swallowed. So much was hanging on this answer…an answer she was deeply unsure of. "Can I sleep on it?"

He dropped his hands. "I believe I just received my answer."

"Ben, look. What I see is me growing to love you, but not having reached it yet. I don't want to push you away, but I don't want to lie to you, either."

He nodded. "We have two days left."

"Yes."

He looked at her then turned to leave.

"Ben!" and Rey went to him, and wrapped her arms around his waist. "I wish that I could tell you what you want to hear," she muttered.

"So do I," he pulled away.

"So…tomorrow."

He nodded. "Tomorrow."

She looked at him and smiled. "Hope."

* * *

Ben was sitting on a rock face a few hundred feet from the mine, and it was dark.

And he thought about his conversation with Rey.

What would it mean to send her away in two days? Would he be able to live with himself?

He was unsure.

She had become a part of him…and even though he told her he didn't really believe in fate, he rather did.

He believed in the connection they shared. It meant something to him on a very deep level. Perhaps he had mistaken it for love.

Ben closed his eyes, feeling the cold air press against him…

No. He believed it was so. And it was unendurable that she was so stubborn.

But maybe he was not thinking of it in the right way…

He opened his eyes.

Maybe he need only let go. Perhaps that would be better…he had heard something once…if you love something, let it go.

Tomorrow they were to discuss hope. Her turn.

And he thought about what he would say, and what his hopes were.

For they had only grown in number…

…and Rey was one of them.

* * *

…And somewhere in the mine, General Hux was planning his departure.


	13. Chapter 13

Day Four

The cold expanse had grown on her. She was looking out into the morning, and it was lovely.

Rey wondered what was going to happen after tomorrow.

She was assuming that Ben would keep his word, but it was impossible to rely on him to tell the truth.

And this fact was disappointing, but truly undeniable.

She sighed.

She was surprised at her fondness for the place. The cold was not so foreboding anymore, it held a certain comfort.

And though she had really only spoken with Ben, the conversations she had with him she never had with anyone. They were unique and singular in both their content and their manner. But, she supposed, that was rather the point.

Rey smiled to herself and kicked at the sand, turning it red.

She had requested that they discuss hope that day.

Hope…something that was equal parts elusive and constant; for everyone had experienced hope, but life was forever disappointing.

She had had her share of turbulence. And she rather wondered if it would ever be over. Indeed, if she even wanted it to be over.

She had gone to Jakku to escape Ben and to punish herself for her poor judgement. To run from the fact that she had grown to care about him…care more for him than she had heretofore cared for anyone. Anyone she could remember, at any rate.

Rey could easily fall in love with him. She might be already. But she had her scruples and her pride, and her conscience told her that she must be careful. To admit to him that she loved him could be perilous. There would be no going back.

But to outright deny it was a lie. Or at least, untrue.

She sighed. Could you almost love someone?

And she thought abut what it would be like if she never saw him again…

…and she felt rather ill.

He had been so hurt the previous day. She hated herself for it…but it was for the best. She really couldn't tell him what he wanted to hear.

She turned and went back into the mine.

It was all so new to her…she had never considered herself to be a person who could be romantically linked with anyone. She was just Rey. Her identity never strayed from that fact.

And she remained Rey.

But now she was Rey, and she held this connection to someone else. And should that connection be at all severed, she knew that she would bleed.

Inside the mine she walked, and she saw that there were people emerging from the back where the sleeping quarters were.

Curious how Ben had her stationed at the very front.

She looked around, but there was no Ben.

He usually was up and about quite early, so this gave her pause.

She walked over to one of the men. "Have you seen the Supreme Leader?" the words felt odd on her tongue.

"No I haven't, Miss. He must be in his rooms still."

She nodded. "Thank you," and she walked back to his rooms. "Ben," she said softly as she rapped on the door. "It's Rey…."

"Come in," she heard him say.

And she opened the door slowly.

He was sitting at the dining table, in a robe of sorts. There was hardly any light at all. "Hi," she said, closing the door behind her.

"Sleep well?" he asked as he turned back to his cup, sipping.

"No," and she sat next to him as opposed to opposite. "You?"

"Not at all."

She cleared her throat. "I replayed our conversation many times while I laid there, trying to sleep…" she smiled ruefully. "Didn't work."

"No," and now he looked at her. "You failed to sleep on your answer."

She nodded, smiling, and with the purpose of employing her hands, poured herself something to drink.

"And?" he asked.

"Have you ever heard of the action of falling in love?"

He sat back, considering her. He nodded.

"Well, I think that's what I'm doing."

"You're falling in love?"

She nodded, not looking at him.

"That's a safe answer."

And now she looked up. "It's the truth."

He swallowed…and he thought about looking inside of her…determined to see if she was in earnest. For this was a satisfactory answer…it was not exactly what he wanted to hear, but it was definitely better than what he was expecting. He nodded, looking back down. "You wanted to discuss hope."

Rey felt her heart beating soundly in her chest. She swallowed. "Yes."

"What are your thoughts?"

She exhaled as if she had been holding tightly onto her breath. "It's a tricky thing."

"I suppose so. It's also necessary and possibly deadly for tyrants."

"How do you mean?" she looked at him now, an earnest expression on her face.

Ben leaned in, elbows on the table, and folded his hands around his cup. "Without hope, there is despair, and the people will turn. With too much hope, the people will demand more of the tyrant, and possibly overthrow him. It is necessary to have just the right recipe."

"That's a terrible way to look at it."

He shrugged. "It's how Snoke looked at it."

"But hope…sometimes it's all that gets you moving…" she leaned back to take him in fully. "I lived such a lonely life…and the hope that my parents would come back for me, it was all I had most days. That hope, even though nothing ever came of it, is why I'm here today. It's what kept me alive. Hope is the lifeblood of everything…that, and love. And even if love isn't there yet, there is hope that it will be."

"My hopes have never come to fruition. Not the way I've wanted them to," he said, matter of factly.

"But maybe the way they needed to," she sat forward, taking his hand. "Ben. I know that it doesn't seem like it, but maybe all of your hope can come true…maybe some of what you believed needed to die, so that other hopes might live. Maybe the hope that you have now is what will save you in the end."

"What hope have I, besides you telling me, finally, that you love me? I want to change the Order, yes," and he took his hand away. "But most do not share my vision. And mark me, they will attempt a coup. And maybe it will succeed, and I'll end up dead like Snoke, a lightsaber through my middle…"

"No, Ben," she leaned forward now, too. "I don't believe that."

"My rule is not permanent, Rey. I know this. But I was tired of having masters who only used me for their own gain. Tired of being a pawn. I wished to be my own master with my own mind…" he swallowed, looking at her now. "… and that is what I saw with you. Our partnership. Something brand new for the galaxy."

"What did you see, exactly?"

He looked away from her…straight ahead. "I saw us on a warm, golden planet by the sea. It was either sunrise or sunset, and you were there, sitting next to me on the sand…we were…"

"…holding hands."

"…holding hands," they said in unison. "I saw the same thing," she said…"But I didn't see it as …" she paused, once more looking down. "Not as being in love. I thought that we were just…"

"No. I've seen more. And it wasn't just friendship, Rey. I felt some of what I experienced in that vision…"

She blushed. "I only meant that we were friends because I never consider anything else."

"You?" he smiled. "You've never had a romantic relationship?"

"No," she said defensively. "Have you?"

He shrugged. "One or two."

Her eyes went wide. "Really."

"I was the son of a well known princess. People are curious."

Rey looked away. She wanted desperately to change the subject. "So. We were talking about hope."

He nodded, looking at her.

She swallowed, then smiled.

"What?" he asked.

"I don't know," she shrugged.

There was electricity in the air…it was palpable.

"Rey?"

"Yes?" her look was ardent.

He glanced at her hands, then took one. "What is your sincerest hope?" he breathed.

"That you are Ben Solo."

"I am Ben Solo."

"Are you? You said that he was dead."

"I'm the closest thing to him," his smile was very small.

"What is your wish?"

"That you love me. As I am."

She sighed. "What about the First Order?" she took her hand away.

"As I said. This is transient. Or as good as."

…and there was a crash and a bang. They both looked at the closed door. "What was that?" Rey asked.

He looked at the door. "The sound of hopelessness…" and Ben stood. "Stay here."

"Ben, wait!" but he was already walking out the door.

She ran a hand through her hair. Something was not right. She paced, then went to the door.

It was locked.

Of course it was. She looked around. No windows…nothing.

It was a mine, Rey. Of course, in the middle of a mine, there are no windows.

…and then there was a sound like an explosion…

And she screamed.

* * *

"Do you see, now, _Supreme Leader_? The Resistance is here. They are here, and we are defenseless. You've made us all targets in this tomb!" Hux was screaming at Ben.

And Ben grabbed his cloak and his lightsaber. "Come and see, General Hux…" he sneered. He walked toward the giant door, and noticed the dents in it. They were coming.

Let them, he thought. Let them come.

He had them raise the door, and his lightsaber was drawn.

Ben stood, Kylo Ren, for the briefest of seconds, facing an advancing Resistance. And they were more plentiful than before.

"Call them," he said to the lieutenant next to him. And he walked out, his black cloak in stark contrast to the white planet before him.

He advanced, and looked up into the sky. There was more than just Resistance ships…someone else had arrived, and they were fighting alongside the Resistance.

Nal Hutta.

Hux had gone there to seek allies to overthrow him.

Ben's insides turned as he watched the ships he had ordered out soar above him from behind the mine.

He had been thwarted. Blindsided by his own general. He should have dismissed him outright after Snoke…foolish error!

And now…now what to do? They were outnumbered and the ships outside the atmosphere of Crait were likely too far now to make any difference.

He watched the battle commence above and turned back to the mine. "Tell them to ready the land tanks." He turned back again and strode into the mine to the command center. "Send word to the ships in the periphery…they can likely make it here in time. Send the distress signal. We need them on Crait as soon as possible. Tell the people in the back to get on the roof of the mine with their weapons. Shoot down as many ships as possible…" he barked the orders to everyone in the center.

…and he felt his mother's presence.

He paused. "Stop," he said to the nearest general. He looked out from the center of the mine…she was there. Out there.

* * *

Rey was staring at the door. She had heard bags and some aircraft overhead…there must be an invasion.

And she thought that she simply could not sit there any longer.

She held her hand to the door…concentrating hard…she felt the tug and pull of the Force…she felt the energy holding the door together and shut tight…she began to pearl sweat…

And it cracked, then opened.

Rey stood and ran out.

People were running about. Everywhere there was yelling and barking of orders.

Ben.

Rey ran to the command center. "Ben," she breathed. "What's…"

"You shouldn't be here," he went to her. "They're invading, and…" Another bang, and he turned. "I want you to go back to the room and wait for me there."

"No. I'm not going back."

"Rey…" his voice was a bit of a whine…and he looked at her right in her eyes. "I know that you're capable. But I think that in this case…"

"I'm staying," and she walked around him to the front of the command. "Maybe I could go and talk to them…"

"The deserter?" he sardonically said from behind her.

"Well, they know me. Maybe I could ask for a parley."

"A parley."

"Yes," she responded, excited at the prospect of delaying any death or suffering. Hoping that she might be able to settle this once and for all. "Let me go and talk to them. I'm sure that Leia is there…"

"She is," he said.

Rey swallowed. "Then…she'll listen."

He searched her face.

…and Rey felt the enormity of the situation. If he trusted her, he'd let her go. If he had changed at all…he'd see, and let her try…

He swallowed, dropped his gaze. "Go."

She exhaled. This…this was the sign that Ben had evolved…and he wasn't doing it to buy time. She knew it. The First Order had people on the move…there were plenty of land cruisers already out there. He was doing this to avoid a catastrophe, one that may or may not end in his victory and ultimately securing his poison as Supreme Leader. "I'll be back."

He nodded stiffly.

And she turned, running out into the cold.

"You'll let the girl go," she heard him calling.

And she smiled.

She ran out into the expanse, trying to outmaneuver the land cruisers, looking up at the sky as more and more ships entered Crait's atmosphere. She knew that she had but little time. She'e need to find Leia quickly…

…and hope that she didn't hate her.

Her pulse was pounding…

And she saw the Resistance's fleet in the distance. Just a bit more to go. She increased her speed.

"Wait!" she screamed, waving her hands. "Wait, please!"

One of the massive cruisers slowed.

She smiled, leaned over with her hands on her knees, and coughed. She was terribly out of breath.

The hatch opened, and she went up.

Leia was standing there, looking both solemn and stern. "Well…I must admit. I didn't expect you to be here, of all places."

"Leia…please. Stop the advance."

She rolled her eyes and turned away, beginning to walk back up. "Are you coming?"

Rey followed.

"We have our prodigal daughter back, everyone," Leia announced.

…and there was Finn, Poe, Rose…they were all there, looking at her. None of them were smiling.

"What the hell are you doing here, Rey?" Finn demanded.

"I…" she began, but thought better of it. No time to explain. "You need to call them off."

"Call who off?" asked Poe.

"The advance…" she went to the front window, looking out. "You need to stop it. Call for a parley."

"A parley?" repeated Leia.

"Yes," and Rey turned to look at her. "Ben will speak with you. Call for a truce."

"Ben?" Poe spat. "You mean Kylo Ren?"

"Yes," but her eyes were still on Leia. "We can stop this. Have some negotiations. It can be resolved. Once and for all," she looked around now at everyone. And none seemed terribly convinced.

"What does Ben want?" Leia asked.

"Trade. He wants to carry out a business…not destroy planets or people…he wants to create something different and new for the First Order. He wants to stop the suffering…"

"You believe him?" asked Finn.

And Rey looked at him. She nodded. "I do."

"Why are you here?" he asked her.

"Because…" she felt herself blanch. "I'm here because …Ben brought me."

"Why? Because of that connection?"

Rey nodded again.

"She's under some spell…" Finn blurted out. "Don't believe her."

"What connection?" asked Leia.

"They have this mind thing…a connection of thoughts…and he's using her."

"He's not," Rey protested. "Leia…I've seen your son's future. And I know that there's good there. He says…" she closed her eyes, not wanting to see everyone's reaction. "He said that he loves me."

The silence fell like a cloak. There was nary a sound, as though everything had stopped…

"I'll speak to him," she heard Leia's voice, and she opened her eyes.

"Thank you," Rey smiled.

* * *

He had barely moved, watching her run. It was as though he was watching her leave him and only him. As though she had made her choice, and she couldn't wait to leave.

He felt himself being drained of thought. Drained of hope…

"Supreme Leader," he turned.

"General Hux…" but it was too late. Hux had just walked into the command center.

"So …you thought that you could destroy the First Order. You thought that you could redo everything that Snoke had done. You thought that you were better than him. Better than all of us…"

"You went to Nal Hutta. You leaked our whereabouts to the Resistance, and created an army there…or sympathizers at least."

"You were ruining us all," Hux spat.

"Why must everyone be so faithless?" Ben said, brandishing his lightsaber.

Hux smiled. "You think that you can undo this, Kylo Ren?"

"No. I can't."

"You've calmed a bit, but you're still impetuous and rash…and playing house with that Resistance girl. Lovesick and forlorn. She will never love you. She's using you to gain information on us."

"You should watch what you say, Hux. Simply because you've earned the ear of Nal Hutta does not make you the Supreme Leader."

"And simply because Snoke is dead doesn't make you the Supreme Leader, either," he sneered.

"I was his apprentice," Ben stepped forward…his saber blazing in his hand.

"Were, sir, being the operative word."

Ben shook slightly. "Would you do this, Hux?"

"Do what?" he hissed. "Lead?"

He took a step back. He looked around. "How many of you agree with General Hux here?"

No one moved.

"Does anyone think that I've done poorly?"

Nothing.

"It seems that you are in a minority, Hux. Pity. You had such potential…" he turned away. "We are awaiting the representatives from the Resistance. In the meanwhile, please see that General Hux is placed in one of the lockable rooms in the back…"

Ben walked to the door again. He peered into the distance. There…advancing toward him, was undeniably his mother.

And Rey.

He smiled to himself.

…and then, he was dying…

A shot had rung out…and his back was exploding in pain…

He turned, and Hux was approaching him with a gun, and he was readying another shot, looking out toward the women.

The women whom he loved.

Ben fell to his knees.

He couldn't stand upright.

"I thought that I'd leave you alive long enough to allow you to witness the death of your mother and girlfriend. Sweet justice, Supreme Leader, for your leading us all to certain death…"

Ben shook.

He watched as Hux continued to walk out of the mine.

And he drew his lightsaber, stood, and brandished it high…

And Ben, with some stealth, ran his saber through Hux's back…

The General fell, dead.

And Ben fell next to him.

…and there was screaming all around.


	14. Chapter 14

Day 4, continued

"No…" she saw him fall. "Ben!"

Leia was next to Rey, she had gasped.

The fighters still hung in the air…the cruisers had not moved since Ben had made the order.

But it was as though the moment was frozen as she watched him run his light saber through General Hux.

She ran to him…blood pooling beneath him.

"No…no…" she looked around. "Help! Help me…!"

Leia was there now. And many of the lieutenants were there, looking on. One had brought a stretcher for the injured man. Leia knelt down and felt his pulse. "He's still alive," she stood. "We need to move him to the carrier."

"How?" asked Rey.

Leia smiled. "We will lift him." She looked at Rey very deliberately. "Come, child…" and Leia raised her hands, summoning the Force.

Rey had never seen Leia work with the Force before…but she was effortless in her execution.

She helped her lift him onto the stretcher, and they began to walk back to the carrier.

"Where are you taking him?" a lieutenant was behind her.

"To the carrier," Rey said.

"You cannot. He is our Leader, and we must take care of the body…"

"He's not dead!" she screamed.

"Then we will tend to his wounds."

Rey sighed. "Follow us," she said. "You can make sure that we are doing right by him," she was nervous…the longer they dallied, the more danger he was in.

They walked along, bringing Ben with them…

And when they reached the carrier, he seemed even more pale.

"Are you serious?" Finn was standing at the top of the ramp.

"He's my son, Finn," breathed Leia. "Prepare the Bacta Tank…" she called to one of the pilots next to him.

Rey followed Leia to the tank in the lower chamber…and the healers readied it for Ben's submersion. She watched as they lowered him after a few minutes. "Where will he go next?" she asked.

"Recovery. There are special pods in the ship just there…" Leia jerked her head indicating another place. "Now. Let's go. We have much to discuss…"

Rey swallowed, but followed her. She knew that everyone there would be angry with her. And she didn't know how long this cease fire would last.

They entered the command center, and she looked around. She smiled weakly. "We will need to speak with the First Order, and all of those others…"

"From Nal Hutta," supplied Poe. "We seem to know more than you, and you've been here…how long?"

"It's been…" she thought. "Four days."

"Four days," repeated Finn, who just emerged. "Not terribly long for you to turn to the Dark Side."

Rey looked at him. "I haven't…Finn…you know me better than that."

"I don't know you at all."

This hurt her, and her eyes stung. "Well, I haven't done anything like that. But I have seen things…I understand things differently now."

"Hm. Like…maybe the dark isn't so bad?"

"No. Like maybe it isn't so clear. Maybe we all have a bit of dark and a bit of light…and sometimes you have a little bit more than the other…but you can choose how you live and what you do, and even if there is more dark than light, you can choose the light that's inside of you."

Finn stared at her. "And Kylo Ren has the light inside of him?"

"His name is Ben," she replied.

"He killed Han Solo! He tried to kill Luke Skywalker! Rey! What's wrong with you?…Little children…" he gesticulated. "Everyone in the Jedi Temple…"

Rey swallowed, looking down. "People change."

"No. Only our reactions to people change, Rey," and he shook his head. "I need to be done with you. For my own good," and he left the room.

She watched him leave, and felt terribly alone.

"He's been worried about you."

Rey looked, and Poe was there. "I know."

"He's feeling conflicted, and he's lashing out."

She nodded. "What's he feeling conflicted about?"

"Lots of things, I guess. Rose. You," he paused, looking down. "Me."

"You?"

"It's not important."

"Is…is Rose awake?"

He nodded.

Rey shifted. "Well. I'm glad."

"What _have_ you been doing, anyway? You were there, and then you were gone. Just like that. And no one knew…Leia wasn't saying much…"

"I've been…busy. And searching for answers. And…trying to figure things out."

"Well, we've been looking for the First Order."

She smiled. "I know," she paused. "How did you find them?"

"Tip off. Someone from the Outer Rim …"

"Nal Hutta?"

Poe shrugged. "I'm not sure."

Rey nodded. She had heard Ben talking about the place with some of his generals. He had been betrayed.

…and just then, the radio rang out.

 _This is a message from the armies of Nal Hutta. We understand that the Supreme Leader of the First Order to be on your ship. We demand that you release him to our representatives, or we will commence an assault on you and your forces. They will be at your door in half and hour._

It went dead.

She looked at Poe, and Leia entered the command center. "I'm assuming you all heard that."

"What do we do?" asked Rey.

"What do you mean?" began Poe. "We turn him over!"

"Careful, flyboy. That's my son you're talking about."

"He's the Supreme Leader of the First Order, General. With all due respect, we must act. There is a truce to be had here, and the First Order is nearly finished…."

"If you think," Leia began. "That simply handing over Ben will stop the First Order from destroying us? We are sitting ducks here. We need to leave."

"They'll follow us. We can't hide from the First Order and Nal Hutta forever…" Poe sounded quite certain.

"Well, maybe we should worry about that later."

"You can't just do that. We can't put this off…"

Rey cleared her throat. "We are in the middle of a parley."

They looked at her.

"I mean…maybe we should stay and see what they want. Maybe we can negotiate a truce…wouldn't that be better? Like, long term?"

"You trust the First Order _and_ Nal Hutta?" Leia was incredulous.

"Well…trust might be reaching a bit. But I think it's worth seeing what they want."

"I can tell you," began Poe. "They want our ships. Our weapons. They want us to surrender. They want us to die, so that their path to domination is cleared."

"That's what Snoke wanted," Rey protested. "Things are different now."

"Why? Because of Kylo Ren?"

"Well, yes."

"He's in the Bacta Tank barely alive; and even if what you say is true…even if he wasn't looking for intergalactic domination, his generals clearly are."

Rey tried to overlook the 'barely alive' comment, and she swallowed to steady herself. "Let's buy some time, then. Wait to see what happens with Ben. If he's better tomorrow, maybe he could talk to the First Order. Remind them who is in charge…"

"He's here with us, Rey," Leia gently reminded her. "With the enemy…that won't be looked kindly on."

"Ben said that there were representatives coming from the Resistance and that he was negotiating. Maybe he could just claim that as …."

"They don't know who he is?" Leia sounded surprised. "They don't know his true identity?"

"I don't know. Did the Empire know Darth Vader's?"

"It wasn't wildly known, no…" Poe said. He shrugged after Rey and Leia looked at him crookedly. "I paid attention to those stories."

"No one calls him Ben but me. Maybe they don't know…" Rey sounded excited a bit.

Leia seemed to be weighing her options. "He's unconscious, and it's unclear when he will be well enough to wake…let alone talk…tomorrow might be too optimistic."

"Then we need to buy some time," Rey said.

"How?" Poe responded in a huff. "How the hell are we going to do that?"

"They said that they were sending representatives…" Leia began.

Poe and Rey nodded, and they both moved closer to her.

"We could meet them at the mine instead of our ship here, and discuss the things that the First Order was doing here on Crait. Maybe we could see just where they were going with things. And that might entice Nal Hutta enough to wait a bit longer…"

"I'll go," Rey said.

"You should probably not," replied Leia. "They know you."

"All the more reason to."

"Poe will go with Finn," Leia ignored her. "They will assess the situation and Nal Hutta's willingness to negotiate. In the event that they are willing and able, you and I will accompany them on the next trip, probably tomorrow."

Rey nodded, understanding that she had been silenced. She played with the hem of her coat, only just realizing that she still had it on. "I'll go then, and wait to be summoned when they return," she nodded to both Leia and Poe, anxious to leave before Finn arrived.

She felt how impossibly huge this was. It could mean the end of the First Order and some semblance of peace in the galaxy. It could mean that Ben's vision was good and true…even attainable.

She swallowed, thinking of Ben.

She thought that she should see how he was, even if he was unconscious.

* * *

Rey went into the bowels of the ship and through a vacuum sealed door. It popped when it opened for her.

There were a few healers in the room, and Ben…standing in the Bacta Tank, submerged and floating, a device around his head to help him breathe, and the wound from the laser, on his lower left side. It had burned a hole clean through him…

But it was looking a bit better, she thought.

He had killed Hux. Killed him, as he advanced on her and Leia. She stepped toward the tank, her eyes on him.

The healers stepped aside. "You know this man?" one of them asked.

She nodded, eyes still on Ben.

"Who is he? We don't recognize him."

She looked at the healer now. "His name is Ben."

"Is he a soldier for the cause?"

"No," Rey said, looking back at him. "He's my friend."

* * *

She had pulled a chair up to the tank so that he wasn't alone. The healer had all said that he would need another few hours in there before moving to the healing pods. And once there, he'd be in much better shape. A few hours…probably a night's rest, and he'd be ready to get up.

He was strong, they said. He'd be fine. He just needed to get through his time in the Bacta Tank, which was always the most tricky part of healing.

"Ben," she said, knowing that he couldn't hear her. "I'm sorry that you're hurt. It was awful…seeing you fall," she swallowed. Then she looked up at him. "I've been thinking about hope. Our last topic, if you recall. And I've decided that hope is even more elusive than I believed. It's not so much that hope is naïveté. It's more like it's necessary to keep you from going insane. Hope that everything will be all right is what keeps people from going insane. Or killing someone," she paused. "Or killing yourself," she added softly. "And I know desperation now. I know what it feels like in a way I've never before. I don't want you to die, Ben. And I never realized that I could want something so badly as this…" she stood and went to the tank. "Please get better," she whispered, touching the glass softly.

They scared her slightly, these realizations. She walked back to her chair and slumped in it, rubbing her face.

"I'm waiting for Poe and Finn to return from the mine so that they can tell us if Leia and I are able to travel there safely. If you were here…they'd listen to you."

And the silence pressed against her ears in response.


	15. Chapter 15

Day 5

Strange dreams had mired his mind while he knew not where he was. He thought he must be dead.

And somehow, that was fine.

He had done some things, his mind said, that were worthwhile. Had meant something to some people.

He had accomplished some goals.

The beasts with no name that saturated his sleeping brain could not touch him.

And he was sorry that he didn't speak to the Princess who was his mother before he died. Sorry, because he would have apologized and told her that he loved her.

Because he did.

And the girl…the one he had vowed to destroy, had destroyed him instead. He had become someone almost unrecognizable, even in this dreamscape…he was different.

Because …

Of the girl.

Woman.

He felt submerged in a liquid dark, something unlike any dream he had had before.

So he felt he must be dead.

And if he could smile, he would have done.

And after many travels and many tours of mind, he felt the liquid drain around him, and he was freezing…

Coughing something…

And there were desperate hands that took him, though his eyes remained shut. They lowered him into some warmth…

And closed him in.

* * *

"When will they be back?"

Leia was standing by the front window of the ship. It was cold. Very. She longed for the suns of Voss. "Soon, I'd imagine," she turned to Rey. "How's Ben?"

Rey felt the blush creep up her neck. "I'm not sure."

"You've not left his side. If anyone should know, it's you, dear."

"He's asleep. They moved him into the healing pod in the ship just there," she jerked her head to indicate which ship.

"I know it. I meant…" she smiled. "Before he was hurt."

"Oh…" Rey swallowed. "You mean, while I've been here."

Leia nodded. "You've not left his side."

"That's not true…"

"Well, you've not spoken to anyone but him for days…"

" _That's_ true," Rey admitted. "He's…good. He has a vision and a purpose. And he is trying to lead, and not just destroy…"

"And he's in love with you," Leia raised her eyebrows.

She swallowed. "He has said that, yes."

"And? Do you love him?"

"I'm very confused."

"Because he's the Supreme Leader," Leia moved toward her. "That's very wise and sensible. He is surely dangerous, on some level…I had given up on him entirely. He killed his own father. Killed babies in the Jedi Temple and stole others for the Dark Side. He's done terrible, unforgivable things," she reached Rey. "And somehow, despite all of these things, he's still my son."

"Of course he's your son."

"And because he's my son, I will always love him."

Rey nodded. "What…?" she began, confused a bit by the questions.

"I don't know what that means for you, Rey. I guess I just mean that I see the good that he can be. He was once. And, I think, anyone could love or be loved. Even Ben Solo," she smiled and turned away from her. "Ah…here come our ambassadors."

And Finn and Poe were walking across the sand, red marks in their wake.

Rey shuddered when she saw Finn…they had been close once, and the thought of them not being close any longer wore at her mind. She was sad about it; and also a bit embarrassed. He had been so incredibly steadfast in his loyalty and concern, and she had brushed him off repeatedly.

She shifted, thinking that she should leave…go back to the ship she had slept on the night before.

Keep well away from everyone until Ben woke…and then…

Probably leave for Jakku.

Rey had convinced herself that she really didn't belong anywhere, so she should just go back from where she came.

She'd be all right.

And so would Finn.

…and Ben.

She had even convinced herself that Ben's love was a mere distraction…not real. A way to explain their connection.

And as for her, she had grown to see her own heart despite her attempts to ignore it. She loved him…she was sure of it now. No strictures on how she was falling in love, or how she could only love him if he was Ben Solo…these were true, but also omitted the important and undeniable fact that she did love him. And it wasn't a burning realization, the way she imagined it'd be…it was slow, unfolding…a whisper in her mind…Seeing him in the Bacta Tank solidified it…the thought of never talking to him again made her realize what a loss that would be for her.

And she ached with the knowledge.

And she felt like there was nothing that she could, or should, do about it. Ben needed to be with his mother after everything that he'd been through…assuming that they didn't arrest him. She would need to leave and not look back, as soon as she determined that he was all right, and the peace process was moving forward.

Because she had also come to recognize this as her true purpose. She was able to see Ben and the good that he held, and that would pave the way toward peace.

It all made so much sense now.

"How did things go?" Leia was saying, and Rey snapped out of it.

"Tomorrow there will be a meeting of concerned parties," began Poe. "You will go with some reinforcements to make certain that everything is safe."

"What are we to discuss?"

"Well…mostly what Nal Hutta wants to do with the First Order, it seems."

"And we can bring the First Order back their interested foot soldier here for the safety of the Supreme Leader," Leia continued. "Their presence is irksome."

Rey had backed into the corner, in an attempt to slide out unnoticed.

"Rey…" Leia turned toward her. "You'll be with me, I presume, tomorrow?"

"Ah…I hadn't thought about it."

"Time to agree to it, then."

"What about the others? They're much more qualified."

"Are you turning me down?"

She blanched. "I…"

"Poe and I will go," said Finn. "She can stay here."

Leia's look was indescribable, but she nodded. "Very well," she sounded disappointed.

Rey felt relief. She really did not want to go. She wanted to stay with Ben. Be there when he woke to make certain that he would be all right…

And then leave at the first opportunity.

And even though she didn't feel like a coward, she knew that she would be perceived as such. It would have to be something that she lived with.

She left them, thinking about food and rest, and then perhaps going to the recovery pod to wait for Ben.

Rey hurried down the hatch and into the cold air of Crait.

She looked to the sky…most of the ships had landed. She assumed that nearly all of the First Order's ships that were in circulation around the galaxy had come, and that as good as announced their location.

She supposed that Ben's plans couldn't be full proof, no matter what he thought.

"Rey!"

She turned.

Finn.

She smiled. "Hey, Finn," and she fell into step next to him. "How are things?" she was hesitant in her approach.

"Good. Fine. Look…I…" she watched as he shoved his hands in his pockets. "I…think that I should explain some things…" his breath misted before him.

"It's strange, huh? Everyone is here, in the freezing cold, waiting for a war to start. And yet here we are, going to get food, and talking about our friendship."

He smiled, though she didn't see it. "I've been short tempered with you."

"You're passionate and full of conviction. I'd expect nothing less."

"But unnecessarily so…" and they boarded the ship with the kitchens.

"I don't think so. I understand all of your concerns."

"No, not really," he said, and he took her hand. "Look, Rey. I've been so confused. So much of my life was spent as a soldier for the First Order…and then you. You were my best friend…" he smiled. "And then Rose…she said…" he looked down, swallowing. "She said that she loved me."

"Oh, Finn. That's so great…" she took his hand, smiling broadly.

"No, Rey. You see, that's the problem. I didn't love Rose. And …and I thought that it was your fault that I didn't."

"I don't…"

"I thought…I convinced myself…that I cared for you and I couldn't care for her. But it wasn't that."

"No?"

"No. It was Poe."

"What was Poe?" she looked at him, brow furrowed.

"Poe. That was what was keeping me from Rose. I cared for Poe."

"Oh…so…is it sorted?"

"Yeah," he smiled. "But I'm still angry and confused where you are concerned. I don't think I'll ever get this thing with Kylo Ren."

She swallowed. "No. Neither will I," and she took her hand and walked up the hatch to where the food was being prepared.

And they sat together, trying to come to terms with how they've both changed, and appreciating each other for the people they had become.

She walked into the chamber where the pods were.

There was about a dozen of them, but only one was occupied.

Rey went over to the healing pod and looked inside. He was asleep…but his color had mostly returned. He looked much better.

The healers had said that he could wake any time now.

She sat, rubbing her palms on her legs.

"I want you to come with me, Rey."

She turned…there was Leia.

"I shouldn't."

"You and Finn have made it up. What's stopping you?"

"I'm not …I'm not what you think that I am."

"Who are you?" Leia sat next to her.

"I don't know."

Leia looked at her crookedly. "All right. Then…who were you?"

"Just a girl," Rey said.

"Maybe. But that doesn't mean that you can't be something more."

"Maybe I don't want to be. Maybe I just want to make sure that Ben is all right, the peace process starts, and I go home," she heaved, flushed with emotion.

"And maybe you should think about what that means before you make such rash decision. Maybe you have a responsibility…"

"To who?"

"To Ben. To yourself. To, even, perhaps, the entire galaxy. What if you are the balance that the Force needs? Or the teacher? Or maybe you can just save one person," Leia paused. "Are these things worth it?"

Tears were threatening, and she was hesitant to answer.

"I'd like you to accompany me today, even if you're hesitant," and she stood. "I'll send for you shortly."

Rey let the tears fall as she nodded, and hung her head. Perhaps she was being silly. She looked at Ben sleeping in the healing pod. "Am I? Selfish? Irrational? Silly?" she thought that had he been awake, he'd tell her that she was being all of those things. Rey began to cry in earnest…"I'll go, I guess. Your mother wants me to. I don't know what it'll do…" she wiped her face. She hated how feeble she had become. She had always been so certain of everything…and she had been undone.

She had changed, too.

She touched the glass and stood. "I miss you," she whispered, and left.

Rey walked back up to the hatch, leaving the ship to go to the main one. She shuffled her feet, unable to muster much enthusiasm. She wanted to stay with him, certain that he'd be awake soon.

She met Leia, Finn, and Poe in the command center…they were all looking at her. "Are you ready?" Finn asked.

"What are we doing, exactly?"

"We are seeing what we can negotiate with Nal Hutta and the First Order," Leia replied.

"And then?"

"And then…" Leia shrugged. "And then we see. Maybe even go home."

Rey watched as a strange look passed over Finn's visage. "Home?"

"Wherever that is," Leia said.

And Rey knew that Finn meant that he hd no home…not really.

"You'll be fine," Poe said, looking at Finn.

…and he nodded.

And Rey followed behind them all as they walked to the mine…

They reached the mine, and were greeted by one of the representatives from Nal Hutta, the First Order deep inside the mine still.

As soon as she stepped inside of the place, she felt it.

…Ben's eyes flew open.


	16. Chapter 16

_Since I don't speak Huttese, I'm just gonna write in English. But you should assume that the people of Nal Hutta are speaking Huttese, which Leia speaks also and understands._

* * *

She froze.

And turned.

 _Ben_ …

Rey swallowed. "Leia…" she whispered…

But it was too late. General Oragana was inside of the mine. Rey watched as the metal door slowly shut, and the four of them, along with two First Order footmen, were inside.

She looked around…the place seemed darker, even taking into consideration the fact that they were in a mine and the light source was gone. There were guards standing along the catwalk…Rey eyed them all.

And she head Leia speaking. "Who is in charge?"

"The Grand Council is not here," said a General.

"Then who is?"

"Parvo. I'll lead you to him…"

Rey didn't understand what was being said, but Leia did, and that was the material point. She followed on, her trepidation growing as the walked deeper into the mine.

"I want to talk about the peace process," and Leia stopped.

There was some laughter. "What peace?" someone said. "There can be no peace."

"If there is no First Order, there can," she replied with heat. "I know you. I knew Jabba. Nal Hutta has not done much to recommend itself for being trustworthy."

"Where is the Supreme Leader?"

Leia's head fell a touch. "We have him."

"As long as the Supreme Leader lives, so does the First Order."

She stepped forward. "Let me send for Corellia…they will come and can help negotiate with us," there was a hint of desperation in her voice.

"We need the Supreme Leader. Nothing can be discussed until he is handed over," and the General stepped back. "Parvo, these are the Resistance leaders. They have the Leader Supreme on one of their ships," this part Rey understood.

"Then they need to get him," Parvo emerged from the shadow. "Nothing more can be done until we have him."

Rey looked at the three others. "I'll stay here. You get him."

Finn's brow furrowed. "I'll stay…"

"No," Poe took a step. "Why does anyone need to stay?"

"Because," began Parvo. "They see that we understand that if you all go, you might leave."

"Isn't our word good enough?"

"No," and Parvo smiled, an odd expression for his face.

"Can I…" Rey stepped forward hesitantly toward Parvo. "Might I speak with General Oragana for a moment in private?"

He looked at Leia, then nodded, motioning for them all to follow him.

"They want Ben," she said to the company.

"Thanks, Rey. That wasn't obvious," said Finn. "Should we hand him over?"

Rey and Leia looked at him, incredulous.

"Well, you both know him. I don't," he shrugged.

"I can escape the mine," Rey began…I know how to get out…"

"Shouldn't we see what they want?" Poe asked. "I mean, we have a chance for peace. These goons aren't warriors. They are strongmen protecting a gang of thugs. And they think they have the upper hand…in fact, they probably want to just sell Kylo Ren. And we will be right back where we started."

"I thought that they wanted to bargain," Leia said to Poe.

"Yes…but they weren't clear what they wanted."

Leia closed her eyes.

"They can have me," said Rey.

"You? Why would they want you?" Finn looked at her.

"I'm the Resistance girl. And…" she swallowed. "Ben Solo loves me. He will want to follow…but Leia," she took the General's hand. "You mustn't let him. This is either going to end in my death or release. It might be nothing at all. But they can't have him. And you need to tell them."

"Why?" Leia searched her face. "Why are you doing this?"

"Because I'm nobody," she said softly. "I have no family. No particular expertise," she looked at Poe. "No valuable connection," she looked at Finn. "I have a dubious amount of power, an understanding…but what does that mean? In this way, I can be useful."

"And what about Ben's heart?" Leia's voice cracked. "Would you sacrifice it?"

"Sometimes…sometimes there are bigger things at play. And who knows? I might be able to get out of here…" she smiled awkwardly.

"This is all assuming that these people will agree to take you," said Finn.

"They will," she said assuredly, and she looked at them all, lurking in shadows. Rey went over to them. "I am the Resistance girl that has been talked about. I was the person who found Luke Skywalker. And I'm…" she lowered her eyes. "And I'm going to stay here while they get Kylo Ren. I should be a good enough prisoner of war." She couldn't bring herself to announce Ben's love…it seemed so beneath her. Such a debasement of his heart. And hers.

"You'll stay?" and the man she could only assume was Parvo came into the very low light.

Rey nodded.

"Very well. Put her in one of the cells…"

And she was taken roughly by the arms…her gaze fixed on her three companions. She willed her gaze to tell them it would all be fine.

In the end.

* * *

He was assessing where he was.

A recovery tank.

And he suddenly felt his left side…it was sore. Ben pressed his palm on the glass …

He pressed harder.

And it opened.

He swung his legs over and stood…almost falling. He stumbled toward the door, confused about where he was.

Peering out, he saw nothing recognizable. Ben turned again and looked around. He put on some clothes, very aware of his body, and then knocked on the door. A guard looked in, eyes wide. Ben raised his eyebrows and looked down at the door handle.

The door opened. "Sir…I must ask you to…"

"Where am I?" Ben demanded.

"You're in a healing pod on ship TX-78."

"On what?" he asked, bemused.

"You're on ship TX-78. With the Resistance."

"The Resistance…" he dropped his gaze, trying to think what this meant. "Where's General Oragana?"

"She is on a diplomatic mission with Nal Hutta, sir. She took some representatives…"

But Ben had moved passed him and out the hatch. This, he thought, could not be good. He was straining his mind as he wound through the ships, all docked and still, as though waiting for instruction to attack. He looked around, seeing the biggest ship, and made his way there.

It would be too difficult to get to the mine with any amount of stealth.

And …he thought about what had happened when he had been there…

They were unlikely to welcome him.

Ben went up the hatch and it opened.

The men seemed surprised to see him, and began to voice opposition.

"Never mind. Just allow me through…" he continued up, and went into the command center.

No one was there…his eyes skirted the place. He went to the front window and looked out. There …just beyond the snowy sand littered with ships from the Resistance, Nal Hutta…perhaps some other Outer Rim territories…

…and then, he saw his mother, walking with two men. And part of him began to panic…something had happened. Something was wrong…

He closed his eyes…

…and her face swam before his eyes.

Rey.

Where was she? Was she still in the mine? He was attempting to reach her mind, but he must have been either too weak as of yet or she had closed herself off somehow. Or maybe he had lost it in his sleep.

This was unsettling.

He heard Leia enter with the two others…and he didn't move. He was staring at the mine…she was there.

He knew it, more than he felt it.

And they walked in, silent.

Ben turned.

His mother…another pilot-looking fellow, and…

…and the traitor. The one from the forest.

With Rey.

He tried to hold himself together, for jealously and so many other things were brimming on the surface.

He nodded at Leia. "Mother," and he tore his gaze from Finn.

"Hello, Ben."

"What happened?"

"Do you remember?"

"Hardly," and he turned to the mine once more. "I recall everything until …" he closed his eyes. And he heard her voice…"Where is Rey?"

There was shuffling from behind him. There was an unpleasant something that needed telling.

And his mind went to her death…but he dismissed it. She wouldn't be dead, he would know that.

He turned around again and walked to the center where the map stood. "Where is she?" he looked at the three of them.

"She's in the mine," began Leia.

"Why?"

"She said that it would allow us safe departure to get you. And then …" Leia looked down. "Rey doesn't trust them."

"Who doesn't she trust?" he could feel the rage building, and he wondered where his saber was…

"The First Order. Nal Hutta…"

He nodded. "So…"

"So she wants us to leave, and she will escape, following us," said Finn.

His gaze snapped to his. "Impossible."

"It's what she said."

Ben swallowed, shaking his head, and looking around. "No," he said with conviction. "No…we aren't leaving."

"Ben…" began Leia. "I think that you should go. Some will stay here and help her out of this mess. But not you."

"I _am_ the _only_ one who can help her out," he spat. "Foolish…" he began to pace. "Why…"

"Ben…please. You are only recently healed. Let's talk about this. She has a point, you know."

"Who has a point? Rey? She's made herself a martyr, Mother. What point could she possibly have?" he was wild with indignation. The fact that she would sacrifice herself…"What did Nal Hutta want?"

There was a pause. "You," said Leia.

And he stopped. She sacrificed herself for him.

For _him._

This was not to be borne. Had she recognized her heart now? Now, when he was in the healing pods? And she would rather die than be with him?

No…she would rather die than see him die.

And he closed his eyes…

It had happened.

And she was a prisoner of the enemy, and he was sought after…as good as dead if he went after her…"What was bargained?"

"What do you mean?" asked Leia.

"I mean, what was agreed upon?"

"Just that we would begin the peace process once the Supreme Leader was handed over."

He looked at her crookedly. "Do they know that I'm your son?"

"I don't think so."

"All right…" he looked back to the mine, his thoughts whirling and attempting to fix on an answer to the problem. "You'll bring me there."

"What?"

He looked at his mother. "There isn't much time. You will walk me over. I'll get us out."

"Are you defecting? How are we supposed to believe you?" Finn demanded.

"You shouldn't believe me, traitor," Ben hissed. "No more than I trust you to not kill me."

"I knew what you and Snoke were up to. You wanted to kill and conquer."

"Not anymore…not that I'd expect you to understand," Ben walked toward him. "I had a new vision. And I wanted a new purpose for the First Order. But they were short sighted, and I need to ascertain what, if any, loyalists I have left to me."

"So what is your plan?" Finn was incredulous.

"I want to get into the mine. I want to free Rey. I plan to speak to a few key people, and if no one remains tethered to my vision, then I will fight them and win them back. If I fail, then I shall die for my cause, I suppose."

"And if you win?"

"Then I'll make the First Order profitable and respected. Not simply feared."

"But feared, too."

Ben shrugged. "I imagine that it would be feared regardless, given its history."

"And do you think that Rey will be all right with this?"

He smiled. "I have no idea."

"She won't be," Finn pointed from Ben to Leia. "She won't. We should get her out and leave. Regroup."

"There needs to be an attempt at peace," Leia protested. "And Ben is wanting to sacrifice his freedom for it."

"The First Order can't be allowed to exist!"

She looked at Finn. "If we attempt to sabotage a possible peace, then we are no better than the Empire, the First Order, or any other oppressive movement like it."

"So?" Finn sounded exasperated. "Can't we just be done with it all? I've seen enough. I just want it to go away."

"I understand, Finn," said Leia. "But no. We can't."

Ben nodded. "It's decided then. I'll leave with that fellow," he nodded at Poe. "And Rey will be released to him, while I'm taken into custody."

Leia sighed, nodded, and said, "I'd like a moment," she looked from Poe to Finn, and they left. "You know, it's possible that they'll just take you and keep her. And she did not want you to give yourself up."

"I realize that. But I think that they will honor their promise, for they want to do business with the Resistance," he paused. "As for Rey not wanting me to go to Nal Hutta, well...she isn't here to make that decision."

She smiled, her eyes falling. "You look well, considering," Leia's voice held emotion.

"Considering what, exactly?" he was irritated. He wanted to get on with it.

"Your recent injury."

Ben nodded. "Well…"

But Leia went over to him, and placed her cheek to his chest. "I love you, son. I never stopped. And I'm happy that you're forging a new path."

He placed his hand on top of her head, and lower his cheek to it. "You always had faith in me, Mother."

She pulled away. "She's a good one, Ben. Please be careful," and she kissed his cheek.

He nodded, then looked at the mine. "I'll do my best," and he left, walking out of the command center and out the hatch, where Poe and Finn stood, shivering. "Where are your cloaks?"

"Inside," said Poe.

"You'll need it."

Poe left and Finn looked at Ben. "She's in love with you."

His eyes snapped to Finn's. "Did she tell you that?"

"No. But it's pretty obvious."

"Is it?"

Finn laughed. "For a leader connected to the Force, you're not very intuitive."

"The Force doesn't read hearts."

"But you can read thoughts."

"She also is connected by the Force."

Finn shrugged. "You weren't trying hard enough…or don't you want her love?"

Ben swallowed. "I want it more than anything."

His face fell. "More than the First Order?"

"Anything."

"Then go…"

…and Poe emerged, ready now to take Ben to the mine.

Ben tore his gaze from Finn, and walked, head hanging slightly, toward the mine.


	17. Chapter 17

Day 5, continued

…and he stopped.

"Wait here," he said to Poe…and he went back to the ship, up the ramp…to his mother.

Leia turned as he entered. "What is it?"

"I never hated you," he breathed.

She smiled. "Well, I'm glad."

"I…felt betrayed by you, though."

"Because I sent you away…" she stepped toward him.

He nodded. "I wanted to stay with you."

And her eyes watered. "I'm sorry…"

Ben swallowed. He looked at her very deliberately. "I know."

And something changed in her face. She smiled. "I will see you very soon, Ben."

And Ben Solo hesitated, then went to her and gave her a hug; and love for his mother welled within him…he wasn't angry. He was grateful.

He let go and left her there, feeling many things at once…all of which had been foreign to him for so very long.

He met Poe once more and walked passed him, not looking at him.

"You ready to do this?" Poe asked.

"I had better be."

"It's likely that they'll kill you."

"Thank you for that."

"…so…you may want this," Poe took Ben's arm. They stopped. And Poe handed him his lightsaber covertly.

Ben looked at him, shocked. "How did you…?"

"I snuck it when they weren't looking. When Finn was talking to them."

He was dumbstruck, putting it in his belt, under the cloak the Resistance had provided him. "Thank you."

"I'm trusting you here, something that I shouldn't do. But …I'm a risk taker," he smiled.

And they fell into step together. "Why are you trusting me?"

"I don't know. Maybe because Rey does. Maybe because I have to. But I'm skeptical…I'm hoping that I'm not making a horrible mistake."

"You're not."

"What will you do, if you survive?"

He sighed, looking to the sky…it was a brilliant blue. The Craitian sky had been steely grey almost every day since his arrival. Perhaps this was a good omen. "I'm not sure. It largely depends on how I survive."

"How you survive?"

"Whether I am unscathed. Whether I am forced to fight…how Rey is when I see her."

"You do love her, don't you?" he sounded unsure.

Ben stopped and looked at him. "Yes."

And Poe searched his face, then nodded, and they continued on. "I love Finn."

"I see that," and they were close to the mine now.

"It makes all the difference."

"What does?"

"Love. It makes everything worth it," and they were at the gate.

"Ready?" Ben asked.

Poe nodded.

Ben went to knock on the door, but the gate opened. They stepped back. And Poe took Ben's elbow. They walked into the mine.

"Well well well…" came a voice. "Here he is. Fallen leader…"

Ben's face was stoic. "You have what you want."

"So we do," Parvo emerged from the shadows. "And what was the bargain?"

Poe stepped forward. "The girl. And peace talks."

"You have more convoys coming, I think. And there is more time to be spent waiting for them…"

"What is your point?" Poe said, incredulous.

"I think we shall wait for the others to arrive."

"We can't stay here on this frozen planet much longer. We will run out of fuel, and…"

"Then send your fighters away and bring your leaders here. There's plenty of room in the mine," said Parvo.

Poe appeared to be dumbstruck for a moment. "I'll need to speak with the General…"

And Ben rolled his eyes. "Where will you take me?"

"The cells, of course," said a soldier, and he went over to Ben…

…Ben, who was weighing his options.

He had his lightsaber, but Rey was still in the cells beyond. And he needed to think…think about what he would do if and when he escaped.

He would be a fugitive…

"Then lead the way," he looked quickly back at Poe, barely brushing his lightsaber…his gaze catching his quickly.

And he hoped that something useful was conveyed in that look. "Who is in charge of the First Order now that I'm a prisoner and Hux is dead?" he asked the guard.

"We are, Solo. We are in charge, and we shall determine your fate."

Ben smiled slightly behind his back. So no one was in charge, not really. This was unsurprising, and somewhat comforting.

They were unable to adequately replace him before Nal Hutta invaded.

He was led to a line of cells, formerly sleeping quarters. He supposed that they had fortified the locks, and wondered at them not checking him for weapons.

They were dim, but not ridiculously so, he thought.

And he opened the door…there was a small bed, another door to a toilet, and a desk and chair. He was pushed inside.

Ben looked around, then sat on the bed. He would try to reach her again, now that he was not feeling so desperate. He closed his eyes and tried…

But there was no answer.

He opened them and stood, examining the walls and the door.

Stone and concrete…

He sighed. "Where are you?" he whispered…

* * *

…and Rey's eyes opened. "Ben?" she breathed.

"Rey?" his heart began to beat faster. "Are you nearby?"

She got up off of the bed. "I can hear you…" she looked all around, but really couldn't ascertain where it was coming from…she tried to concentrate on the connection that they had, but couldn't…it was as though they had lost it. "Where are you?"

"Have you attempted the …Force?" he smiled as he said it. It sounded silly to his ears.

"I just did."

"And?"

"And it didn't work," she said. Rey went to the left wall and pressed her palm against it. "Are you right there?" she said softly.

"I think so…" he couldn't determine if he was right next to her or not.

"Why did you come here? I told them not to let you…"

"How could you do that? Why?"

"Because…" and she paused. "Because…I didn't want you to get hurt," she muttered.

He closed his eyes. "Have they been treating you well?"

"They've pretty much ignored me…"

"And they said…" he dropped his voice. "Leia. She said that you would attempt an escape."

Rey felt her face get warm. "I …I don't know what's happening. It's not working."

"What's not?"

"Anything. I tried to unlock the door, but it stayed shut. It's …"

He heard her voice trail off. "Rey… are you frightened?"

She swallowed. "No. Not of them."

"Of what?" And then, he heard the door open. Her door:

"Come with me, Resistance Girl," said a gruff voice.

His heart was pounding…maybe they were taking her back to the other Resistance ships…maybe they were keeping their promise. He touched his lightsaber. In another moment or two…

* * *

She was forced through the mine to the mouth of it. There was a group in the front of the massive gate. Rey's back went up…her breath slowed a bit. She wouldn't let them see, but she couldn't help but feel…her palms sweating, her mouth dry…and all she wanted, though she was loathe to admit it, was Ben to show up and tell her it would be fine. He'd toss a lightsaber to her, and they'd fight these goons, escape, and leave this ice desert.

And she would go home.

And she ignored the fact that she kept telling herself that she wanted to go home, when she really had no desire whatsoever to do so.

She had no idea where she wanted to go, she just knew that at that moment, she did not want to face Nal Hutta and the remainders of the First Order.

Not alone, at least.

Rey lifted her chin and became acutely aware of her body.

"Well, Resistance Girl. They want you back."

She didn't answer.

"But," continued the leader, Parvo. "I don't think that you'll be going back. Not when we've got convoys from the Core Worlds coming. They should be here soon, Resistance Girl."

"So?" Rey replied, defiantly.

He laughed. "So…maybe a steeper price can be paid."

And her heart sank. Of course that's why they were keeping her. It made perfect sense. But her power, or her understanding, as she amended in her mind…had left her. She was nothing special now…just another pawn. "They don't know who I am," she protested meekly. And the tone of uncertainty in her voice made her cringe.

"But the ones here do," he replied. "And they will demand your release."

She thought that they wouldn't, but it didn't matter. "What will you do with me?"

"We will keep you until they arrive. And then…we see."

"See?"

"Yes, Resistance Girl. See," and he walked toward her, stopped right in front of her. His breath was hot and foul.

She wrinkled her nose, thinking that she could spit in his face…

"Take her back to her cell," he said, turning.

Rey was pulled away, and led to her room once more. She wondered a bit at her inability to muster the desire to escape …it was more than just the Force seemingly impotent with her…it was more like a deep feeling within her. She was sad and disappointed…

…and lovesick. She needed to admit it to herself. And though Ben loved her too, she hadn't admitted her heart.

…not to him, anyway.

And how would she feel if she never told him?

She would need to. It was only right.

The guard pushed her unceremoniously into the small cell room. She glared at him when he closed and locked the door.

The silence was pressed around her…the tiny room was surely air tight. That was likely why she could barely hear Ben earlier…

"Ben?"

She waited a moment.

"Ben?" she said again…

He wasn't answering. Which likely meant…"Ben!" she cried. Her palms were at the door now, and she was frantic, trying to find a way to open it. She pulled hard on the handle, but it wasn't budging. "Oh no," she sobbed, rubbing her hands on her face. Had he left her there? Had they taken him somewhere?

She hated this situation in every possible way. She hated that she loved him. Hated that she was scared for him. Hated that she was trapped and couldn't help him.

She was so far removed from the person she had recognized that she felt even more alone than when she was on Jakku for all of those years…

Rey slumped on the bed.

She didn't hate that she loved him. She loved it…but it was also, as she thought about it deeply, so unlike her. Or at least, who she once was.

She was different now.

She, Rey, had evolved, too…and it was all by virtue of love.

…and a sound split the plane.

A red flame, deep and powerful was sinking through the door right across from her. Acrid smells filled her nose as she shielded her face from the debris being strewn.

And when the door collapsed, Ben Solo was standing there.

"Ben," she said. "What's happening?"

"There was a diversion," he entered the room and held his hand out. "I got out, but everyone was leaving," he pulled her to standing. "And while they all left the mine, I came and got you…they're out there…" he said, leading her out of the room.

"Oh…" was all she could manage. "Are we going out the …?"

"…Passage the Resistance went out before? Yes," and he walked quickly through.

"What's the plan, exactly?"

"We get out of this place," they were at the mouth of the passage. "And we get you to the Resistance."

"And what about you?" she said to his back.

"I'll figure out something," he said under his breath.

"Ben. Wait," and she ran up and took his arm.

And he was looking down at her, a sadness draped across his features. "What?"

She swallowed. "I …I'd like to talk about something. One more subject before we go back out there…"

He rolled his eyes. "This really isn't the time or the place, Rey…we need to get…"

"I know!" she hissed, and she took his hand, leading him to an alcove. "I know. But just one more thing…"

He stood there, exasperated. "Well?"

"We can go. Maybe we can discuss it on the way. But I want you to really think about this. It _is_ my last day on Crait, after all."

"You are an infuriating person, Rey," he said softly. "Tell me. For I really cannot contain myself," he smiled.

"The subject I'd like to discuss is," she took a long and deep breath, looking at her feet, then up to his face, "Love."


	18. Chapter 18

He stared at her. How could she be serious? Now? "You are joking…"

"No," she replied.

"Rey. Surely you recognize the seriousness of the situation. The time factor…"

She smiled. "I love you, Ben."

His mouth went dry. She was admitting it…the connection was now solidified…He searched her face. "You're telling me now?" he whispered.

"I'm afraid that I'll never have another opportunity…" she dropped her gaze.

…and he lifted her chin. "What do you mean?"

"I mean…" she swallowed. "Something is happening. The Force isn't really with me. I've lost the connection."

His hand fell. "I don't think that it works like that."

"Well, whatever it is, it's gone," she looked at him. "And I'm worried…"

"About?"

…and a bang echoed in the direction of the mouth of the mine.

They both turned, looking. "We need to go," he said, taking her hand.

"Ben, wait," she pulled him back. "Did you hear me? I love you," she searched his face.

"Of course I did. And I've thought of little else in so long, I hardly remember not thinking about it…" he touched her cheek. "But we must leave. Now. I'll not risk you. Not after I almost have you…"

She nodded, and followed him through the cavern. She was terrified for the first time in as long as she could remember…maybe, she thought, because she had something to lose…

The stones were back in place, but not as secure as they had been. She looked at them with some reservation…"What do we do?"

"We move them," he replied matter-of-factly.

…and he held out his hands…

And the stones began to move. "Rey!" he yelled. "Help me do this!"

"I can't!" she cried out.

"Do it!"

Rey held her hands out, but nothing happened. She was concentrating with everything that she was, but the stones remained put.

She collapsed to her knees. Rey felt like she had let him down. Let Leia and the Resistance down…

Everyone, even herself.

She was taking deep breaths, watching Ben move the stones out of the way…But she couldn't. She was impotent.

And she felt that acutely.

Ben was moving them, steadily, out of the way. His brow was furrowed, and he wondered at her being unable to move them herself.

After some minutes, they were moved out of the way…"Rey," he turned…and he saw her kneeling on the stone behind him, looking unsure. "Come," he held his hand out.

She stood and walked toward him, still slightly unsteady. She took his hand, and he turned, leading her out into the chilled air.

She couldn't help but feel somewhat ashamed of herself, despite the fact that she logically knew that there was nothing she had done.

At least, nothing that she could think of.

Rey couldn't fathom this change…she was as confused as was possible to be.

She followed along in his wake, listening for the sounds of battle.

She heard none.

Ben hurried over to a largish boulder, white and cold, and leaned against it. He was concentrating on feeling the Force…on summoning something…anything, that might help. His breath came fast.

And he opened his eyes.

Rey was there, looking up into his face pleadingly.

And he smiled. It was as though a man foreign to him smiled, for he felt as though it was as genuine as ever he had done, and truly…it had been some time. "What?"

"What are you doing?" she whispered.

"I'm cleaning the latrine," he replied through his smile.

Rey rolled her eyes, but smiled. "What's the plan?"

"I have none."

This unsettled her a bit, and she looked over the rocks into the expanse. She saw some low flying ships, but little else. "Where should we try to get to? The Resistance?"

"They are penetrating the mine as we speak. We have minutes, I'd guess, before they discover the passageway which led us here."

She turned, looking, listening, for something that might indicate their discovery. "Then we need to get out of here."

"How?"

She looked at him. "Ben. You cannot fight them on your own. I can't be of much use. We need to leave…try and make it to the Resistance ships…maybe…" she moved around him to look over the rocks. "Maybe we can avoid the fray altogether and go around it."

"They only want me," he muttered. "I could either give myself up, or …create some diversion…"

"You're not giving yourself up, Ben. Not now," she took his hands.

…and they heard them …the sound of the oncoming fight.

"Go," he hissed, reaching for his lightsaber.

"Go where?" Rey protested. "You expect me to leave you?"

"It's me that they want. And I can get out of this somehow…"

"No," she said, taking his hand. "Come with me, Ben. Let's go. Now."

"I swore to get you out of this," he searched her face. "And I have. And now, you need to trust me."

"No…please. We can leave together…"

But it was too late. The Nal Hutta forces were there. "Kylo Ren," the one in the front said.

Ben's back was facing them…his eyes then closed.

Rey swallowed. She was sure that they were dead. The Resistance and the First Order had somehow lost the battle, and Nal Hutta was here to collect the Supreme Leader.

She had no weapon. She was defenseless. And she was keenly aware of it all.

He turned away from her, and drew the saber. "Hello," he said.

"No time for niceties, Supreme Leader," the Huttanese replied. "You're coming with us. We have some bargaining to do."

And Ben assumed the stance, ready for battle.

"You're fighting?"

No answer.

And the man laughed. And he drew his gun…

Ben deflected every shot with the saber, advancing upon the Nal Hutta soldiers; he was pleased, when he ran the first through, that there were only a few of them there.

And they didn't have guns.

He slashed them all down with ease.

And he smiled, turning to Rey.

Rey, who was now on the ground.

He ran to her…"Rey," he said, kneeling next to her. He pulled her close…there was blood issuing from her stomach. "What…?"

"One of the beams hit me," she breathed. "In your deflection."

He had done this. He had not been paying attention. He had inadvertently…"No," he breathed, putting the saber down. "No. I'll save you," and he laid her flat.

He had never done anything like this before. Healing someone had not been part of his Sith training, and the Jedi only do it sparingly.

So he had been shown the process perhaps once.

He closed his eyes and put his palms above her stomach, closing his eyes…

…he willed to see the tissue, damaged and torn. And her life blood pouting from the gaping wound. And her breath, her heart, trying to mend the skin…

And he sewed it with the Force.

Bit by bit his mind summoned the Force to meld her tissue and skin together…it took some time…

And she was unconscious…

But he did it.

And he rocked back, looking at the sky.

It was clear.

* * *

"What do you mean, they did a bunk?" Leia was walking toward the mine.

"We aren't sure, Commander," Poe replied, nervous. "Nal Hutta called for other Outer Rim territories…they told them that the had the First Order and the Supreme Leader…"

"Did they say that the Resistance was also here?" and into the mine she strode.

"I'm not sure."

The place had been mostly destroyed. The battle, she had seen, had been fought inside of the mine, which was surprising, except if one considers the fact that Nal Hutta probably never included the presence of the Resistance in their communication.

So when they arrived, seeing the Resistance and its fleet, they left.

And Resistance allies arrived…

And Nal Hutta panicked.

Outer Rim territories liked to be left well alone.

"So. Who is in command of the First Order?" Leia looked around. "Where is Ben?"

First Order soldiers and fleet commanders looked at one another. They had been prisoners since this had begun, and had no idea what to say.

Or who Ben was.

"Ben Solo," she said, annoyed. "The Supreme Leader?"

"Oh!" one man stepped forward. "He had been taken to the cells in the back there. That was the last we saw of him."

She nodded, then began to walk, her son occupying her thoughts. "How far back did you go, Poe?"

"Not that far."

She looked around. "Well. It can't be that deep…" she stopped in front of a cell that had been torn apart. "Looks like someone broke out from inside."

Poe nodded, looking around. "There's that passage…" and he hurried over. "There's some light…someone must have moved the rocks from it again."

"It's how we escaped before," Leia muttered.

They walked up, stumbling a bit, and out into the daylight.

They turned the bend, and there were Rey and Ben: she, on the ground, he, slumped against a wall.

Leia hurried over to her son, "Ben," she said, taking hold of his hand.

He opened his eyes, "Mother."

And she smiled. "Are you all right?"

He nodded. "Just spent. I need a moment," he looked over at Rey. "Is she…?"

Poe was kneeling next to her. "She looks all right."

Ben began to get to his feet.

"Take it easy," chided Leia.

"I'm fine," and he went over to Rey. "Wake up," he said, waving his hand over her.

She stirred.

He summoned the Force again. "Wake up, Rey."

And she opened her eyes.

He smiled, and held his hand to her…

…she took it, and stood, swaying a bit.

She felt uneasy, and unsure of what had happened. Her mind was a blur. "Where am I?"

"Let's go," said Ben, and he led her back into the mine carefully.

Rey leaned into him for purchase, swallowing as things gradually came back into focus. She had been escaping this place…had been a prisoner…

She looked up at Ben Solo.

And she loved this man, the Supreme Leader of the First Order, a terrorist organization.

…memories of all that had transpired between them came flooding back, and though there was a part of her that was ashamed, she had to admit, a much larger part of her didn't care. He had just saved her life. Had proved that he was true, at least to her.

She had acted so …ineffectual. So feeble, that she hardly recognized herself. This was not the person she had known herself to be, and she would not sacrifice that woman for anything, not even Ben Solo's love.

She pulled away. "I can manage," she said, not unkindly. "We need to talk," she said to him.

"All right," his brow furrowed.

"Commander Oragana," Rey began. "I'd like to speak with Ben alone for a few minutes."

Leia turned to her. "Commander Oragana? Aren't we past that?"

They all stopped. "Leia, then," Rey amended. "Might I just have a few minutes with him?"

Leia looked at them both, then nodded.

Rey smiled, then took Ben's hand, leading him away from the others, deeper into the tenebrous mine. Back, perhaps five minutes, and she stopped.

She could barely see him.

But she lunged herself at him, kissing him fiercely.

And he returned it, vigorously, moving her to all wall, and pressing against her into it.

"Ben," she breathed when she could. "We need to speak a moment."

"Speak?" and he continued on…

"Yes," she placed her palms against his chest. "I know what you're going to do, and I don't want you doing it."

"What do you mean?" he left her mouth, trailing kisses down her neck.

"You're going to turn yourself over to the Resistance."

At that, he pulled away. "I have no choice."

"I knew that's what you were planning," she sounded a bit angry.

"Well, what would _you_ have me do?"

"I'll vouch for you."

"And do what? The First Order is no more. The Outer Rim Territories will not back us. Not now. If I turn myself in, then they will let most of the others go, most of them without any trial, since they were too ignorant of the goings on to matter."

"You care about them that much, do you?" she sounded surprised.

"They were my responsibility," he replied matter of factly.

Rey smiled. "You have changed."

"I prefer to think of it as evolving."

"Well, what do you think will happen to you if you turn yourself over?"

"A trial."

"And imprisonment."

She saw his shrug. "There is no alternative."

"There might be," she said in low tones…she took his hand. "Do you trust me?"


	19. Chapter 19

He looked at her…after everything, "Of course I do."

"Then let me do the talking," she said, pulling him behind her.

She led him back out into the mine and through the command center.

Rey wasn't hesitant, despite being a touch unsure that this was the best way to proceed. But tentativeness wouldn't do. She needed to reclaim who she was before all of this, and this act was the first step back.

Leia had left. No one was there…she thought that this might be a bad sign. Why hadn't they waited for them? Leia had been reluctant to even allow her a few minutes alone with him.

The ground was a mass of carmine waste. There was barely any white sandy snow left…it had all been upended in whatever battle had occurred. She looked around at Crait, thinking that they should leave this place as soon as possible, but recognizing the beauty beyond the mess. "We'll head to the Resistance ships," she said to Ben behind her. "Everyone else that's here will be looking for them to act, anyway."

He said nothing. He knew that he had nothing to lose at this point but her. She was the only thing left to him…

And he didn't seem to mind. He had rather felt for some time that he had nothing. Before all of it…as soon as he heard Snoke tell him that he would never be Vader.

And he thought about what it meant to be Darth Vader.

It meant being a slave.

Ben was through with that. He couldn't anymore. Being the Supreme Leader meant a slavery of a sort. He was a slave to the expectations of the First Order and the Galaxy at large. He needed to be his own master, even if it meant turning his back on everything that he once believed.

And that's exactly what it did mean. No more darkness or light.

Everything was grey.

For what he had seen in his banter with Rey was that grey existed. And that was where he needed to dwell. That was where the truth was.

He followed her. And it was cathartic to let go and allow someone else to lead.

She walked up to the ship, its hatch open, and entered with Ben.

Leia and Poe were there.

"Before you say anything," Rey began. "I want you to know that I love him."

They looked at one another in shock.

She cleared her throat. "And …I'll take full responsibility for him."

Ben's gaze turned toward her. What did that mean? "Rey…"

"If you let us go, I'll make sure that he never hurts anyone ever again."

"Us?" Leia asked.

"Ben and I."

Leia looked at him, then down. "I can't do that. You know that I can't. Even though I may want to. I trusted you to do the right thing and come back here. You did not disappoint me. Please don't do so now."

"What good will prison do?" Rey protested.

"It's not about what it'll do for him," Poe interjected. "It's about justice for the galaxy."

"He has turned!"

"He may be tricking you."

"He's not," Rey looked at him. "Are you."

"Either answer is insufficient. So, I think I'll refrain from responding."

"But…" Rey took a step. "Are you tricking me?" she needed him to say it in front of them.

"Your doubt speaks volumes."

"Ben…you need to answer them."

"According to them, I am a miscreant. A taint on the universe. Nothing that I say will change that."

"But I know you."

"Then why are you second guessing me?"

She shook her head. "Please don't do this."

…and it occurred to him what he must do. "You are so very gullible."

She swallowed.

"You think that you know me. All along I've planned on this…and you've played nicely into my hands," he stepped back. "Determined, as you are, to see the good in everyone, you failed to see my own design. And now, the Resistance has me. And my Order has infiltrated Nal Hutta. Once I am free, there will be no doubt of my rule."

Poe walked up to him. "Nal Hutta has left."

"And with it, The First Order. On my command."

"Come on, Solo. We need to arrange your trial," he took Ben's arm.

Tears were streaming down Rey's face. "Why did he do it?" she asked Leia.

"Because he loves you, and he wouldn't have you branded a traitor."

"I could have stopped this."

Leia went to her. "No, dear. You couldn't. And it's better this way. Ben knows it. He can serve a sentence…"

She turned to her. "But he just told Poe that the First Order is acting on his command! They'll execute him."

"I won't allow it."

"Oh, Leia. You may not have a choice," and she left.

Faithless! How could he give up on her. She would have fixed it all…

He sacrificed himself for her, and she knew it.

But ultimately, it wasn't worth it. She would have convinced them to allow them to be banished to Jakku. Or someplace similar.

And they could have built a life there.

"Where did you take him?" she demanded of Poe.

"He's being held in the containment carrier. We are heading back to Voss. There the trial will be held, and it will be determined what to do with him."

"You won't give him back to the First Order?"

"No. There is no First Order. Nal Hutta has absorbed it, and they are no real threat."

She brushed passed him.

"Rey."

She turned.

"Has he really changed?"

Her gaze fell, and she nodded stiffly. "But he will want to be imprisoned. And that'll be that," she turned and walked toward the carrier. She walked up into the ship, just as she heard the rest being fired up to leave.

There were armed guards all around…the Supreme Leader had fallen. And now, he was in their grasp. They would be very careful about who was allowed in.

"I'm here for Ben Solo."

They all looked at one another.

She stood there. "Never mind. Arrest me. I'm going to see him," and she plowed through them. She walked along a brightly lit corridor, until she came to a heavy door.

It was locked.

She entered a combination…one that had been hers on Voss…and it opened.

She walked inside…

There were only a few cells.

"Why did you come?"

Rey stopped and looked inside the far cell. She could barely see him in the back, obscured by shadow. "Why did you do it."

"Do what?" he muttered.

"Lie."

"Did I?"

"Yes. You did…unless everything you have done these past weeks have also been a lie," she went to the glass. "And I cannot believe that."

"No one would believe me, no matter what I'd say. And it's probably better this way. The First Order will never amount to much within Nal Hutta. And I can serve a sentence to appease the Resistance until my mother deems it to be too much. I'll be dismissed. And become my own master."

"But…"

"But what?" and he stood.

"What about…?" she swallowed. "Ah…us?"

He felt his heart sinking. "Time to abandon childish dreams, young Rey."

"You…" she breathed. "All this time. Faithless!" she yelled. "I could have saved us. We could have…" and the image of them on that beach swam before eyes. "We fought together Ben. We saved each other."

"This is reality. Do you think that the Resistance would have let me just…walk free?"

She stared at him for a moment. "You didn't even let me try."

She felt the ship moving as it took flight.

"It was no good."

"Ben…" she swallowed. "You love me. You said it…many times. And I …I told you, just a short while ago…I love you," she finally whispered. "Doesn't that mean anything?"

"It cannot mean everything."

Rey shook her head. "But it needs to mean something. You needed to believe in me."

"And what would they have done to you? You were a traitor to their cause. You would have ended up in a cell alongside me."

"You don't know that…" tears fell from her eyes.

"Stop being so naive," he spat.

" _You_ spent the last month trying to convince me that you loved me. That I loved you. And now, what's the point? You gave up on all of it. Is that what you've learned?"

He smiled at her. "I forgot. You were my teacher."

"Yeah. And I failed."

His face fell. He swallowed. "You should go."

"I'm not leaving you. I'm not so faithless."

Ben shrugged. "Suit yourself."

"You can give up on you. I won't," and she sunk to the floor outside of his cell.

He retreated back, slumping to the floor. He ran his hands through his hair, thudding his head against the wall. He wanted to tell her that he loved her. That he was so happy that she loved him. But he wasn't sure that he would be able to face it. He would need to be stronger than he believed himself capable. This…this was for the best.

She could remain in the relatively good faith of the Resistance, and he would face the least amount of punishment.

And then…well. Then.

He closed his eyes.

"Ben?"

"Hm."

"Was it fake?"

"What are you talking about?"

She cleared her throat. "Everything."

He didn't answer.

"It wasn't, was it? How could it have been."

"Not a very great leap."

She shook her head. "Well. It makes me feel better to believe it wasn't fake."

"Then by all means, believe it."

She felt the tears burn her eyes.

And she closed them.

* * *

"Rey."

Her eyes slowly opened. "What?"

"We've arrived on Voss. We are removing the prisoner."

She nodded and sat up, then moved to standing. She watched as Ben ignored her, walking away from her. She didn't want to leave him, so she followed.

She felt as though she was moving through a dream. No one looked at her directly in the eye. Everyone was avoiding her, even Ben.

And though she was convinced that he was doing it to spare her and save her the humiliation of being a traitor, it hurt her beyond anything she could have imagined. He had tried to spare her, but what he sacrificed was crushing to her.

She sat by herself in the canteen. She didn't look at Finn or Poe. She spoke to no one. She was a shell of herself, just when she had decided to reclaim who she had been…

* * *

He heard his mother's steps.

Ben didn't look up. He knew why she was there.

He heard her breathing. "Don't," he said.

"Don't what?"

"Don't offer me strictures."

"I wasn't."

"Then why are you here?"

"To tell you that tomorrow you'll go before the committee. They will hear your case. And they will sentence you."

He said nothing. There was nothing that he could say.

"I think that you're very brave, son."

"Am I," he laughed. "I don't feel very brave."

"You love her."

He swallowed.

"And you'd rather see her safe than secure your own freedom."

"I hurt her."

"You did, yes."

He stood and went to the glass. "What's she doing?"

"She's alone, mostly. I think that she's waiting for you to be sentenced, and then she'll go."

He looked away, nodding. "It's for the best."

"Yes. But that doesn't make it easy."

"She would have been hunted. The future that she saw wasn't realistic. She thought that we'd live on some distant planet…alone and untouched."

Leia smiled. "What happened to you? You were so lost…so angry. And now…"

"I learned to care for someone. I saw her in me. And a connection grew. And her presence became more valuable to me than my drive and determination."

"I'm glad. Loving someone sometimes means letting go. It's what happened to your father and I."

At the mention of Han Solo, Ben blanched. "You never stopped loving him, after everything."

"No. It doesn't simply go away, Ben."

"I'm sorry," he breathed.

"So am I."

"You're the strongest person I've ever known," he offered a weak smile.

"Either that, or I'm so accustomed to loss that I'm immune to its effects."

"So…tomorrow."

She nodded. "Tomorrow."


	20. Chapter 20

Tomorrow ended up being the most difficult days of his life. He stole glances at her, and only once did she notice.

Throughout his sentencing, he felt numb. How much he had changed! He could scarcely recognize himself. Was he the same person who had slain Han Solo?

Probably not.

In fact, thinking about it now, he didn't think he'd be able to do it.

And that gave him pause.

"You are hereby sentenced to ten years in prison…you will be transported to the planet…" the commissioner was saying.

Ten years…

Ben swallowed. "That seems a long time, sir."

"Does it? Well, that is the decision made by the council. And in my estimation," he leaned over his pulpit toward Ben. "Not nearly long enough."

He saw Leia hang her head.

…and he looked for Rey.

She was gone.

Probably for the best. He didn't want to be distracted by something like want.

Ben was led out of the chamber to his cell. He was almost relieved to hear the door locked behind him.

* * *

Jakku didn't look any different when she arrived. Not that she was expecting it to, but still. She was different. Maybe she thought that it would be, too.

Rey spent the next month trying to readjust to her old life.

But she couldn't. It was untenable…her old life was constructed of day to day activities, with hope threaded through them.

Hope that her parents would be coming back.

That was no longer part of her life…she knew that they were dead. And though she was sorry, she couldn't be consumed by it. Her life was different now. It had to be.

Rey went to the watering hole alone, filling her rations, just as she had done so many times before. She looked to the sky and wiped her brow.

She didn't want to stay here, but she had no idea where to go.

* * *

It had been a month, and Rey went out for the first time since she had returned.

There was a place some of the locals went to…a place to forget, mostly, that they lived on Jakku.

And Rey wanted to forget so very much.

She was sitting at a booth by herself, drinking firewater. She didn't care for it much, but there it was.

Rey swirled the clear liquid with red specks around and downed it.

What was she doing here, anyway? Jakku held nothing for her. It was a mistake, all of it.

But if she was being honest, she didn't know where else to go. The galaxy was …unknown to her. She felt isolated because she had fallen in love with a villain. There was no panacea for that. Her love was both her opiate and her poison. She saw that now.

Rey looked around, pained. She had never been fussed about solitude until now.

She thought it was mostly because she felt as though it was a forced isolation. She leaned back into the booth and drank.

No one was looking at her.

Except one person.

She shifted, her eyes darting away, then back again. He was still looking at her.

She swallowed dropped her gaze, and shifted.

And she saw the someone approach her table. Rey swallowed and stiffened. She hoped that it didn't show on her face.

"You look lost," said the stranger.

"I'm not," she replied.

"Maybe you'd like to be."

Rey swallowed. "What do you mean?"

"Mind if I sit?"

"That depends."

"On?"

She didn't know. "Sit over there…" she pointed to the next table, but it was close enough to have a conversation.

He laughed, but sat where she indicated. "Well. You need a place to go, I think."

"I have a place to go."

"A new place, then."

Rey's gaze fell. "What are you referring to?"

"A place…a small planet. No one who knows about it leaves, it's that beautiful."

Her breath hitched a moment. She could not deny her interest. "Where?"

"Lah'mu."

"Lah'mu," Rey repeated. She had heard of it…black sand beaches…mountains…"Why are you telling me this?"

"Call it a favor," and he slid a card to her, and stood.

Rey looked down at the card, then back up. He was gone. Lah'mu was not exactly remote, but it would probably be better than Jakku.

Anything would be better than Jakku, really.

What did she have here? Bad memories. Longing. Heat and drought and hunger.

None of these things were sustainable any longer, because the reason she had stayed here no longer existed. Her parents were dead.

She could leave and not look back.

This, she thought, was attractive. More than she would have guessed.

Rey looked out of the dark window by her booth. No more desert heat. No more fighting for resources…

She looked at the card again.

 _Ship leaves for Lah'mu in one week. Everything is paid for. You will have accommodations upon arrival._

And there were instructions about where to be for boarding the ship.

She swallowed. And she knew she'd be on that ship.

* * *

The bags were packed. They were sparse, both in number and in content. She wasn't sure what she would need, the climate was different…Lah'mu couldn't be more opposite from Jakku. So…she had packed a few things. Trinkets from her past. A few from her more recent past.

And she went to the shipyard. There was a man there, dressed in green. Rey approached him with a backpack swung on her shoulder and carrying another. She nodded to him.

"You running?"

"No," her back was up.

"Hiding?"

Rey narrowed her eyes. "No."

He smiled…his face was lined. "Get on."

She followed him up the ramp to the ship. It was small. Fairly clean. She sat in the back and her forehead fell to the window. She was tired. She wanted to forget about everything…

And she had done a fair job so far.

The engine revved, and before she knew it, they were airborne. She felt light speed kick the ship…

Rey closed her eyes. They'd be at Lah'mu soon.

And when she opened them, they were entering the atmosphere. She sat up. Her pilot hadn't said a word to her…

Probably for the best. She had no desire to talk small.

They landed, and she stood. "Thank you," she said as he approached to let her out.

He nodded. "There's a guide, just there," he jerked his head, indicating outside. "Saw him as we landed."

"Good," she looked at the window. "Well. Thanks again," and she began to disembark as he lowered the hatch.

"Hope you find what you're looking for," he called after her.

Rey turned to look…

The hatch was shut. She turned.

"My name is Cyne. You're Rey?"

She nodded.

"I'll be bringing you to your house."

"My house."

Cyne nodded. "Not far," and he began to walk.

They were in a landing field…Rey could see the sea not far from where they were. They sky was a cool amaranthine…and the air reflected that same chill. She looked around. There were mountains jetting all around…covered in green leaves and black rock. None were terribly high; she had seen much more impressive peaks…maybe even in the dunes on Jakku.

There were fields of tall yellow wheat, or something, at the base of the dwarfed mountains. These were mostly to her right.

The sea bellowed on her left.

And she craned her neck to see the black sand.

"It'll be dark soon," Cyne began. "But you'll be able to explore tomorrow."

She smiled and dropped her gaze. She had a house…

And for the first time it occurred to her that she was here by design. She had thought that perhaps they were trying to get a more robust population…but no. Someone had arranged her being here.

…and her heart whispered his name for the first time since she left him…

"Ben," she whispered, looking to the sea…

* * *

That was seven years ago.

All of it had happened seven or more years ago.

Rey had learned to really love Lah'mu. It was more of a home than anyplace she had ever been.

She had a routine. She'd get up and tend her garden. Head to the market. Clean the house.

She did love her house.

It was smallish, like photos of cottages she had seen. Local stone, which was black, like the sandy shores. It had four rooms below, two above. She had a lush garden. And it was a short walk to the beach. Bit longer to the forest at the mountain's base.

The local people lived mostly around the mountains. They were traders.

And there were books, something Rey had previously little exposure to. A library, and two booksellers. Rey mostly went to the library.

She had not grown hard over the years. She was still fully young. But she was wise. She worked as a smith, but mostly just for food. Everything else Cyne told her was paid for. If she needed clothing, which she did when she first moved there, there were some waiting for her in the morning.

She provided herself with food and extraneous things, of which she had very little.

She saw Cyne twice a week, and only once, right after she moved in, did she ask who was responsible for all of it.

"I think you'll find out soon enough. If not, I'll tell you."

She left it. Though she didn't know what 'soon enough' meant.

And so, seven years.

She had gone through her routine. Went to the library, even. She had spoken with Jareth and Cassie. With Sil and Pandy,

In all, a good half a day.

…and she found herself on the beach, barefoot. Her hair was loose down her back. It was warm for the autumn, but Lah'mu was mostly temperate, anyway.

Rey brushed some hair from her face, tucking it behind her ear…

And she stopped.

Sound had stopped.

She looked around her.

"Ben?" she whispered.

Nothing.

It had been so long ago…perhaps she was mistaken…

But there was only her heartbeat…"Ben?" she said again.

"I see you."

Her intake of breath was sharp…she dropped her shoes, turning around in a full circle, her eyes hunting for his frame. "Where?"

"Look again."

But there was nothing.

"You're not looking, Rey. Look with your eyes."

"What does that…?" but she stopped. And she saw him, at the far end of the beach, walking toward her. "Ben," and she advanced toward him.

Her heart was all she could hear or feel…Ben was all she could see.

He was walking faster now…his face stone and taut.

She broke into a run…

And in a moment, she reached him.

She smiled.

He swallowed. "I'm sorry."

Her face fell somewhat. She nodded. "It was…hurtful."

"I know. Forgive me. I did what I thought I needed to do."

"You made me question everything about myself, and then again, and again."

Ben nodded. She looked back up at him.

And she slapped him. "Don't ever do that again."

He smiled, rubbing his cheek.

…and he grabbed her.

And it was as though they had been trying to reach this place since they began this journey, everything culminating in a mess of limbs, lips, tongues and teeth. He was desperate, and she could not keep up…"Ben," she whispered in between when she could. "Let's go to the house," she breathed.

One hand was on her breast, the other in a wrap around her waist, keeping her close. He pulled slightly away, bringing his hand to cup her cheek. "I have waited…so long…" his voice cracked.

"Five minutes won't kill you," she smiled. "How are you here?"

His eyes searched hers. He pulled away even further, licking his lips and sitting on the beach.

Rey sat next to him. "Ben?"

"I knew what they would do. They would punish you. They would make certain that we never saw each other again. I had to do it, Rey. Not even Leia would be able to stop them."

"Who?"

"The Resistance. The people whom you fought with."

"What would they do?"

He looked at her. "You cannot be so naive. They would, if they believed you…and I do not think that they wanted to, which is why they spared you so willingly…have imprisoned you for treason," he looked at the sea. It was a deep, churning grey. The sky mirrored it, with Lah'mu's star insisting his ray's through the gaps in the cloud cover. "I would not see you there. So, I went."

"I have forgotten, mostly because it's too painful, what happened those days on Vox."

"I have lived them for seven years."

Rey looked at him, looking to the sea. "Did they let you out early, then?"

He nodded. "Leia's doing. She promised them that I'd be safely here. And watched."

"Are they watching…?" she looked behind her.

"Probably."

She swallowed. "And this is your doing too? The house? Everything?"

"Mostly Leia's. I told her anyplace with a sea," and he looked at her, smiling. "I hadn't forgotten your vision."

Rey dropped her gaze. She ran her fingers through the black sand. "It's perfect."

"Rey."

She looked at him.

"You forgive me?"

She nodded.

"Do you…" he paused, looked down, then back up again. "Do you love me?"

She felt it…the pull, the resistance, the force that bound them. It had been dormant for seven years…she had learned to bury it and deny it, because Ben wasn't there.

But he had been there.

Laying in patient wait for this moment to arrive…"Yes," she said, not softly. "I think I always have."

He nodded. "Let's go," and he stood, holding his hand out to her, just the way he had done over seven years ago.

Only this time he wasn't asking her to join him on a mad quest for galactic domination.

This time, he was asking her to bed.

And she took his hand, as he pulled her to standing.

They walked together along the beach, taking their time. Rey asked him a few questions, which he answered…but he wasn't interested in talking, she could tell.

They approached the house, which was through a thicket off the beach.

The sky was growing steadily more dark.

She pushed open the door, and took a deep breath. It had been a long, long time. And she had never really enjoyed it.

She felt his presence, but didn't look at him. She was fussing with some dishes and things from earlier.

"I'm nervous too," he whispered.

She stopped and turned.

He was staring at her, about five feet from where she stood. Rey smiled meekly.

"I always feel as though I am dragging you along, Rey. That you don't know your own mind. Your heart," he took a step closer. "All these years I spent in a glass cage…I was able to keep my sanity because I knew you were safe here on Lah'mu. I abandoned any aspirations apart from you, because I had given them up. And you…you were ready to sacrifice yourself, which is what sustained me. I believed that you loved me," another step.

She nodded.

"And here we are. The end of the longest journey I've ever walked," and he was in front of her. "And you are the end of my journey…I love you."

She smiled.

"It was a difficult lesson. But I think I've learned it."

"What's that?"

"Things worth having are worth waiting for," and he kissed her. "Tell me again."

"I love you," she kissed him.

"Say my name."

"I love you, Ben…"

And he picked her up, and carried her upstairs.

And onto the bed he placed her…he took her clothes off in a hungry, gentle way…and Rey started to pull his shirt off.

She lost all sense of time. Of place. Of thought. All that existed was her and Ben…and she was naked. And so was he.

And he stopped for a moment.

"What?" she said.

"Nothing…" he swallowed. He was hovering above her. And he entered her…

She gasped. Closed her eyes.

…and he felt her, a tight embrace around him. He shook from it. He had to move, he had to…

He began to move slowly, but his desire demanded he move quickly, and it took some restraint to slow him. But he did, and he felt her move in kind.

It almost undid him. He leaned over and kissed her neck, moving still, feeling the pulse between them. "So long…" he whispered in her ear. "It's been too long…" and it had been. Years in waiting.

His pace quickened as he felt her building crescendo beneath him…she was growing more and more wet, her breath came fast and sharp…he reached down to her sex and touched her…

And that made her unravel. She screamed.

He pounded himself into her at that, following her in mad pursuit.

He stopped.

His forehead pearled perspiration. He pulled himself out of her, but laid his cheek on her sternum, wrapping his arms around her torso.

He felt her hand touch his hair.

"We will be all right," she whispered.

And he slept.

Rey stared at the window all night. They were here. Where they were meant to be.

The last thing she saw before she closed her eyes…

…was the sunrise.

* * *

 _A/N: thank you, everyone, who has taken this journey with me! Apologies for this dilatory conclusion. I hope you enjoyed it, regardless._


End file.
